Logliner
Posted: 2016-02-20T05:23:53+10:00 In:

2012 has come and gone. A young woman discovers she?s descended from Aztec gods and joins the centuries-old fight between rival gods and their descendants for the preservation of her bloodline and the world.

2012 has come and gone. A young woman discovers she?s descended from Aztec gods and joins the centuries-old fight between rival gods and their descendants for the preservation of her bloodline and the world.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      When a young woman discovers she’s descended from Aztec gods, she must join a millenia-old fight against rival gods intent on killing off her bloodline — beginning with her.
      (29 words)

      “2012 has come and gone” is extraneous.? I think it?can be safely assumed that the time frame is in or near the present.

      Methinks this concept has definite?franchise potential. It’s a war of the gods that can go on… and on…?and on,?forwards and backwards in time.? And it would target the important (and woefully?neglected by Hollyweird)??Latina/Latino demographic.

      ? Buena suerte!

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    2. Singularity

      The latest draft is a general description of vague actions, not a plot.

      The subject matter and genre have a lot of potential and the premise a wealth of visual spectacle worthy of block buster production values. However, the story is still unclear and lacks the necessary elements to generate a compelling journey.
      Don’t get me wrong you may have already come up with it all, but it ain’t comin across in the logline.

      As DPG said, ditch the period reference as it is an extraneous addition which clogs up the read. Then focus on your main character, “…young woman…” just don’t cut it… there are many young women out there, in what way does this describe her unique qualities? Describe what she does for a living and what her flaw is. These will help you direct the reader to understand the type of person she is and what her inner journey will be. It’s these elements that will make her story interesting once engulfed by fast moving VFX shots and chase sequences.

      “…discovers she?s descended from Aztec gods…” implies that something out of the ordinary happened which illuminated her to her family’s origin. This means that her discovery of her blood line is as a result of the inciting incident, what is the inciting incident? Specify the event that made her realize who and what she is. Don’t just brush over this event with a token technicality make it significant, one that would motivate her to join a centuries old fight. Maybe she was the sole survivor of a horrible plain crash in which she lost her entire family or all her friends, the crash could have been caused by an evil Aztec god and so she wants revenge but learns to let go of her anger and becomes the champion of the good gods.

      Lastly and most importantly give her a good goal. It may be to kill the Zeus like leader of the bad gods or destroy an artifact their all after, what ever it is, it should be specified in the logline. With out this goal the logline doesn’t actually describe a compelling plot.

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