Penpusher
Posted: 2016-08-19T03:39:43+10:00 In:

The story follows group of friends,each with different idealism and with love for wrong person,as they begin suspecting some of them actually killed their friend who died in an accident.

Truth or Dare

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    5 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      “The story follows group of friends,each with different idealism and with love for wrong person,as they begin suspecting some of them actually killed their friend who died in an accident.”

      What is the actual plot? Suspecting is not a plot. Investigating is.

      The inciting incident of your story should be in front, not last.
      Review the Training tab if you haven’t already.

      Example:?When their friend dies in an accident, three diverse teenagers must figure out which one of them caused it.?(~20 words)

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    2. Singularity

      Dkpough1’s revision is certainly an improvement. ?However if it’s ?an accident, why the search for a culprit? ?So I would suggest ?word accident in quotes to suggest that things are not as they seem. ?It’s more than an accident it’s, ?a mysterious “accident”.

      Also it’s not exactly accurate to say that they all suspect each other. ?Obviously at least one of them knows who dunnit–the actual murderer. ?So the story is a murder mystery where from the audience’s perspective, everyone is a suspect. ?It seems to me the logline — and story — ?would benefit from a protagonist, a first among equals, who takes the lead in asking the questions, discovering evidence.

      fwiw

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    3. I agree with dpg that the revision is a vast improvement but an inciting incident would elevate the logline to a new level. If it is believed to be an accident what is the point that triggers the characters to suspect that it is something more sinister? Add this at the head of the logline and you’re all set.

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    4. Singularity

      Moses99 raises a very good point. What is the inciting incident that raises suspicion that the death wasn’t just accidental?

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    5. Uberwriter

      We need to know number of friends and an event. Think of the Big Chill. Based on that.

      Four friends come together for a funeral only to start blaming each other for course their friends death.

      Now describe the friends

      1) war veterans
      2) college friends

      You get the picture.

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