Penpusher
Posted: 2016-10-07T14:17:15+10:00 In:

After his son is mutilated by a legendary creature, a father must stop future deaths from happening only to learn that he has become the supernatural animan’s next target.

After his son is mutilated by a legendary creature, a father must stop future deaths from happening only to learn that he has become the supernatural animan’s next target.
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    5 Reviews

    1. *animal’s next target

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    2. Samurai

      It’s not real clear to me how his son’s mutilation becomes the motivation for the father to stop future deaths? Once the mutilation has happened, isn’t that sort of the end of his need to be involved? Take something like Jaws, for example, where the first attack is KIND OF under his responsibility as Sheriff, but when his son becomes a target the stakes are raised. What you’re proposing is to switch that — have the first attack be his son … but then what is the primal motivating force for him to them take any action at all?
      Also, if he is the target of the next creature, the action he takes in during the second act should be to survive, right? Not stop other deaths? I guess what I’m getting at is that there’s not a clear causal relationship between the elements in this story.
      Could you just say “monster” to save on the word count of “legendary creature” and “supernatural animal”?
      “After a his son is mutilated, a father must escape an ancient monster or suffer the same fate.” I guess that would suggest more of a cause and effect relationship, BUT makes the father look rather callous — kind of like he’s abandoning his injured son.

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    3. Singularity

      What’s the hook? ?Well, It seems to be a monster, a “legendary creature”. ?The problem with that description is that it is too general to evoke a visual, to give us any sense of what the monster looks like or the nature of its threat.

      If the threat was from a shark, a werewolf, a zombie, a vampire, a dragon — these are monsters we are familiar with,, that we can imagine what they might look like, their defining characteristic that makes them so horrific — and interesting. ?But “legendary creature” gives us nothing to work with in terms of imagining what it might look like or its characteristic behavior that would be of dramatic interest.

      The monster “mutiliated” his son. ?Again, a generality. ?Not enough detail for us to get an idea, a handle on the nature of the threat. ?What’s the visual on “mutilated”? ?Did he bite off his hand, gouge out his eye, scar him with acid-blood?

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    4. After finding their friend shredded to death, a group of teens must elude a half-man/half-bear creature from their summer camp, or suffer the same fate.

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    5. Singularity

      This concept seems like many others in its genre, nothing really seems to hook a reader’s attention in the logline.

      You’re clearly aiming at writing a horror movie – great! This genre has been and will continue to be, a staple.? As such,? there are many tropes you can rely on to establish the particular type of horror – it looks like you’ve chosen super natural monster. It may be a good idea to look into as many supernatural horror movies as possible from the last 5 years, try and identify what was common amongst the successful ones. Then try and adjust your concept to include a hook that would draw more interest.

      This may not seem like very helpful advise, but when dealing with heavy genre concepts you must have a hook of some sort like; Cabin In the Woods, or an outstandingly original concept like; The Blair Witch Project (the original film). I don’t believe you have either yet…

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