Penpusher
Posted: 2016-11-13T09:34:20+10:00 In:

when he meets the girl of his dreams, be spite being with someone else, the monophobic Henric must decide if he wants the girl, or if he wants to stay with his girlfriend, at the same time as learning to sing so he can propose to his girlfriend, and the one teaching him is his girl of his dreams

when he meets the girl of his dreams, be spite being with someone else, the monophobic Henric must decide if he wants the girl, or if he wants to stay with his girlfriend, at the same time as learning to sing so he can propose to his girlfriend, and the one teaching him is his girl of his dreams
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Best to re draft this logline with fewer words, no typos and less repetitions – in its current form, it’s very hard to gauge the story.

      I think you mean that he falls for his music teacher while learning how to sing to surprise his fiance at their wedding.? This is similar to a groom falling for the wedding planner or a bridesmaid, not necessarily original but could work.

      The inciting incident is clear – him falling for the teacher, but what is his goal? Does he now want to call off the wedding? If so, what’s stopping him? Sure it won’t be nice, but better than marrying a woman he doesn’t love – what’s the obstacle?

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    2. Singularity

      As Nir Shelter said. ?At 59 words in length this logline is too long and too confusing to figure out. ?A logline needs to be ?concise statement ?that clearly informs a reader what the story is about.

      Further, a plot is not about having to make this or that decision — two hours of ?a protagonist vacillating with indecision ? A plot is about a protagonist who as a result of an inciting incident makes a decision to pursue a specific objective goal, and how that pursuit plays out, right or wrong, for better or worse.

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