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savinh0Samurai
Posted: January 19, 20172017-01-19T18:31:42+10:00 2017-01-19T18:31:42+10:00In: Romance

When an agoraphobic online student meets his soulmate, he gets a job at a bar to face his fear in public, only to find out that his love is a pop star.

When an agoraphobic online student meets his soulmate, he gets a job at a bar to face his fear in public, only to find out that his love is a pop star.
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    6 Reviews

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    1. SouthWestSusie Logliner
      2017-01-19T22:50:33+10:00Added an answer on January 19, 2017 at 10:50 pm

      Hi savinh0,

      Thanks for sharing this. I see you’ve got a solid problem for your character. He’s agoraphobic. That’s a tough problem. I think there are an increasing number of people who might relate to that. Then the inciting event appears to be that he meets his soulmate. Perhaps you could expand that a bit. Does he meet this soulmate in an online chat forum, dating site? I’m assuming he doesn’t meet the soulmate in a real life context because this inciting event appears to drive him outside. I’m not clear how he knows this person is his soulmate? If he’s convinced that this person is his soulmate, what would be so convincing that it would propel him to overcome that fear of leaving the house? There needs to be a specific quality, perhaps opposite to his to propel him to get out and hook up. And then the obvious would be the person isn’t what he thought. It seems to be that he is surprised the soulmate is a pop star but how does that matter because he did get out of the house, he resolved his problem, in a sense. A pop star might want a home-body type rather than someone in the limelight, so he might be the perfect mate for the pop star.

      Keep at it, and good luck.

      Cheers,

      SouthWestSusie 🙂

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    2. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-01-20T09:57:10+10:00Added an answer on January 20, 2017 at 9:57 am

      There is a problem in giving him the ability to wander off at night – his phobia is minor.? If he is an agoraphobe best make it full blown, otherwise it is a mere inconvenience as appose to a genuine obstacle.

      In A Beautiful Mind – Russell Crowe’s character’s mental condition is so severe that he hallucinates over several years people and conspiracies which coincide with reality to the point that he can’t distinguish between them.

      In Rain Man – Dustin Hofman’s character’s condition isolates him from reality to the point that he is incapable of caring for himself on his own.

      In Matchstick Men – Nicholas Cage’s character’s condition causes him to fall into crippling fits that disable him altogether.

      If you look back through the lineage of MCs with mental conditions, they are all ‘full-on’ problems. The conditions make it so the characters are always on the brink, and all it takes is one thing to be out of place for a disaster to happen. However, in the case of your character, he can walk out at night and work in a bar. For an agoraphobe, I’d say he’s doing just fine and mostly over the problem, especially in New York – a city that never sleeps.

      Again, I’m not sure you can rationalise these conflicting issues as they present a few fundamental logic flaws. If you are genuinely interested in writing a story about a character with a severe mental condition, and specifically an agoraphobe, perhaps there is a more logical obstacle rich premise you could put him or her in?

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    3. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-01-20T11:11:21+10:00Added an answer on January 20, 2017 at 11:11 am

      “If you look back through the lineage of MCs with mental conditions, they are all ?full-on? problems.”

      First, I don’t disagree with you, Nir Shelter, however I do want to offer a different point. In real life people have varying situations of their mental illness. I think not taking it to the extreme might be able to offer a realistic take on mental illness, that it’s not just ‘crazy’ people.
      However, perhaps for the way this story is framed I might have to agree with you. The extreme version would cause more drama and tension. But nonetheless, I would like to see a nuanced, non-stereotypical version of mental illness displayed on screen.
      (on a similar note I think FX’s Legion looks to be a great addition into the X-Men universe, which deals with mental illness)

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    4. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-01-20T11:39:18+10:00Added an answer on January 20, 2017 at 11:39 am

      I can see stuff. But the last bit doesn’t fit into the story. Is that a major issue. Is the relationship real?

      Remove the words pop star and replace them with vampire it makes no difference because you have said how her job impacts on the story.

      I can see what I’d write in a script based on this. But it’s your script. What are you writing?

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    5. dpg Singularity
      2017-01-20T14:30:00+10:00Added an answer on January 20, 2017 at 2:30 pm

      What is it that you really, really want to explore in the story? ?Agoraphobia? ?Or is agoraphobia intended as a dramatic device to complicate the romantic relationship?

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    6. SSalvatore Logliner
      2017-01-22T00:52:41+10:00Added an answer on January 22, 2017 at 12:52 am

      I’m not 100% happy with this but here goes:

      “When an agoraphobic music student meets his soulmate and discovers she?is a pop diva, he decides to?face his fears by working at the hottest concert venue in town.”

      Hello date movie.

      I’ve made him a music student. The pop diva seeks him out because he writes hauntingly beautiful melodies. They spark a romance and he tries to change for her by getting a job at the hottest concert hall?in town.

      Maybe they can sing a duet on stage together in front of a huge crowd for the final scene. Maybe he can only sing on stage with a blindfold on and the song is called “Love is Blind” or something cheesy like that.

      And I don’t know how to change the font size, sorry! S

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