Penpusher
Posted: 2017-03-10T03:47:29+10:00 In:

A depressed widow has to to give up her daughter for adoption to have a second chance at love.

A depressed widow has to to give up her daughter for adoption to have a second chance at love.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      What is the widow’s goal?

      Does she want a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend or wife?

      Whatever it is, the goal needs to be described in more detail than “…a second chance at love…”.

      This sounds like a girl meets boy story, only the girl is a single mother. If this is correct then the inciting incident would be her meeting her new love and it needs to be described in the logline.

      Her obstacle is her daughter and it sounds like a good strong obstacle, however, I find that if she chooses the new love over her daughter she would lose my empathy and likely most of the audience as well. Is there another obstacle you could give her instead?

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    2. Uberwriter

      I think all you really need to do is further add to the 2nd chance of love then you have a decent hook here.

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    3. Singularity

      >>I find that if she chooses the new love over her daughter she would lose my empathy and likely most of the audience as well.

      Agree with Nir Shelter. ?She’s throwing under the bus a relationship based on giving love (that’s what parents do) for one based on getting love. ?It’s a selfish choice. Her depression may explain that choice, but it doesn’t justify it.

      And if she’s adopting out her daughter because her love interest doesn’t want the baggage of the kid in their relationship — that just doubles the selfishness factor in the story line.

      However, if the plot were to be about a woman who is struggling to rectify that selfish error, find and reconnect with her daughter — well then it would be a redemption story with a sympathetic character.

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