To stop the bloody war between the two Five Points gangs, gangleader Paul Kelly must defeat his rival Monk Eastman in a boxing match, with the winner?s gang taking the disputed territory.
Rutger OosterhoffLogliner
To stop the bloody war between the two Five Points gangs, gangleader Paul Kelly must defeat his rival Monk Eastman in a boxing match, with the winner?s gang taking the disputed territory.
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“GANGS OF NEW YORK 2”. After a real story. Still looking for a great hook.
I wish members would pay attention to other posts…
NO NEED FOR CHARACTER NAMES – just describe the major plot points and character traits.
What starts off the bloody war – this is your inciting event, and it needs to be described in the logline.
How is the boxing match going to stop the rivalry between the gangs? Sure, there could be a gentelman’s agreement over a handshake, but these are gang members… they will still hate each other and the violence will likely continue after the boxing match.
More to the point, is the whole film going to be one bout in the ring? What will constitute the bulk of the action in the story beyond the boxing?
Agree with Nir’s comments.
In most films the action escalates as the story progresses. In crime/gangster films, things get more and more ?violent until they’re uncontrollable and it usually results in someone dying (Act II to Act III?). The levels of conflict must intensify as the story progresses. In your story, however, what starts out as a bitter and bloody war between two rival gang leaders is reduced to a simple boxing match. It doesn’t work. Your action is getting smaller and becoming more contained. Flip it round. Why not have the inciting incident as the boxing fight – each gang selects a champion and they fight for territory but the antagonistic side cheat leaving the protagonist’s gang’s champion dead on the canvas. Then the war spills out from the ring and into the streets – escalating, intensifying, and heading in the right direction for a compelling story.
You’re right that you still need a hook though.
Hope this helps.
…. Maybe:
“After a corrupt Tammany Hall politician demands that his Election Day head-busters stop their own bloody turf war for the welfare of the community, the Godfather of the Mafia agrees to fight a rival gangleader (as logical not in the same gang) in a boxing match;? the winner taking complete control of Five Points, New York. “
Hmmm, this makes it look too much like “Gangs of New York 1”
I guess the writer of the book/makers of the movie “Gangs of New York”? took the 20th century ‘Tammany Hall Hall Election Day head-busters’ facts and put them in the? middle of the 19th century.
Not sure if there still is a story left. Research can be a B*tch.
The exception of using historical character names in a logline is valid for when the names hold currency – Jesus Christ, Al Capone, Barak Obama.
In your case, the characters have been obscured in the pages of history, and while real historical figures, their names mean very little if anything to most readers.
It would serve you best to describe their function and role instead.
Give us the era then the main conflict.
In 1800 (whenever) the heads of the two gangs running New York agree to a winner takes all boxing match to end a bloody war.