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After stumbling into an enchanted theme park, an insecure girl must find a way to lead rival factions of imaginary characters in a revolt against the park?s delusional architect who thinks she is his long-lost love.
Slightly concerned about a delusional architect believing a young girl is his long-lost love... creepy! Any chance he believes she is his long-lost daughter and he built the park for her? Less creepy and adds a little sympathy for the antagonist which is always good! Can we give the girl an age too.Read more
Slightly concerned about a delusional architect believing a young girl is his long-lost love… creepy! Any chance he believes she is his long-lost daughter and he built the park for her? Less creepy and adds a little sympathy for the antagonist which is always good! Can we give the girl an age too… this would help me imagine her character better.
I feel like the inciting incident and the goal don’t quite tie up currently. To me, stumbling into an enchanted theme park sets up a goal of getting back to the real world (Alice in Wonderland). If the goal is to lead a rebellion and defeat the architect then the inciting incident must relate to that. Maybe she has to defeat the architect in order to escape.
I think you can probably cut out ” must find a way to lead rival factions of imaginary characters in a revolt” and just have “must lead the park’s inhabitants in a revolt”. Trims a few words although I do understand why you’ve done this.
Interesting idea though. Looking forward to seeing where this goes.
See lessAfter a bionic test leaves an island unresponsive, a company investigator and his friends come to see that the test have become weaponized automatically and cannot leave the island or it will destroy the planet.
This is unclear and very hard to understand. How could an Island be responsive in the first place, if it's a very large inanimate object? What has become weaponized? And what does weaponized mean? Nuclear? Biological? Chemical? Is the company investigator the MC? If so, what is he investigating andRead more
This is unclear and very hard to understand.
How could an Island be responsive in the first place, if it’s a very large inanimate object?
What has become weaponized? And what does weaponized mean? Nuclear? Biological? Chemical?
Is the company investigator the MC? If so, what is he investigating and why? What company does the investigator work for? Apple? Nike? A secret organization that experiments on whole Islands at a time?
Is the goal to stop the weaponized something? Or, is it to make the island responsive again (whatever that means)?
Clarity is key in a logline… and you should always describe a goal.
Check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar to learn more about logline basics.
See lessWhen illness and havoc spread across England, Queen Elizabeth I must confront the Devil and save her kingdom.
I have a single bit of feedback. If I was looking for a film to produce, you have given we four words to assess, ?must confront the devil?. I have to now make an entire film in my mind because you haven?t given me anything. QE1 must enter hell and endure a series of moral tortures based on her own aRead more
I have a single bit of feedback. If I was looking for a film to produce, you have given we four words to assess, ?must confront the devil?.
I have to now make an entire film in my mind because you haven?t given me anything.
QE1 must enter hell and endure a series of moral tortures based on her own actions as queen to defeat the devil and save England from a pandemic.
My version is crap. But you have an idea of the shape of the movie. Set in hell, a few demons perhaps … that sort of thing.
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