1. Posted: March 29, 2018In:

    When a fragile single girl wins a holiday vacation at 28, she has 3 weeks to go into a meaningful relationship or risk relapsing into depression

    Best Answer
    Richiev Singularity

    There is a disconnect between winning the cruise and falling into depression. After all, why not just take a best friend and try to meet a guy on the cruise? ------------- "When she discovers her ex and his new wife will be taking the same cruise to the Bahamas, a depressed single girl has two weeksRead more

    There is a disconnect between winning the cruise and falling into depression. After all, why not just take a best friend and try to meet a guy on the cruise?
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    “When she discovers her ex and his new wife will be taking the same cruise to the Bahamas, a depressed single girl has two weeks to find the perfect guy to pretend to be her date for the trip.”

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  2. Posted: March 15, 2018In:

    After a crazed general conquers the mystical rainmakers, a bullied boy must raise a rebellion to defeat him, before another ?Noah?s? flood wipes out humanity.

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    Richiev? offers a good enhancement.? ?When your story hook is magic -- as it is in this case -- it has to be? kept central to the working out of the dramatic problem.? It should not be tossed to the periphery as it seems to be in version 1.0 of the logline in which the kid saves the day with nary aRead more

    Richiev? offers a good enhancement.? ?When your story hook is magic — as it is in this case — it has to be? kept central to the working out of the dramatic problem.? It should not be tossed to the periphery as it seems to be in version 1.0 of the logline in which the kid saves the day with nary a word about doing it with any magic.

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  3. Posted: February 25, 2018In:

    A reluctant babysitter tries to spook his little sister, telling a gruesome bedtime story of a young girl?s perilous journey through a dangerous kingdom carrying her father?s living head, in search of his fleeing body.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    There are a few problems with this logline, and the biggest one is the story within a story framework. You mentioned The Princess Brid, that's a great example. If you were to ask people what that film was about, most of them would say the story of Butter Cup and Wesley, not the grandfather and sickRead more

    There are a few problems with this logline, and the biggest one is the story within a story framework.

    You mentioned The Princess Brid, that’s a great example. If you were to ask people what that film was about, most of them would say the story of Butter Cup and Wesley, not the grandfather and sick boy. As such, the logline would describe the main story in the film (medieval times) not the modern day framework one and I think you should do the same. If you try and cram the framework story in with the medieval plot into the one logline, you’ll essentially be describing two separate (albeit connected via theme) plots – a big no-no for loglines.

    To that matter, best you describe the girl’s story to make her father whole again – start at the beheading, then her action to find the body (how will she find it) and finally her goal to reconnect the head (however she does it).

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