1. Posted: January 17, 2019In:

    When a self-described ?monster? is released from prison after 25 years, he must confront his past and modern America on the 2000 mile trip home with his only friend for company; the person who betrayed him. That?s me.

    yqwertz Mentor

    If you say you betrayed him, it sounds as if you were the co-conspirator who turned state's evidence and got off free while he went to jail. On the other hand, if you were the witness (or victim) whose testimony sent him to jail, then you did not betray him. Either way, I think the logline would beRead more

    If you say you betrayed him, it sounds as if you were the co-conspirator who turned state’s evidence and got off free while he went to jail.

    On the other hand, if you were the witness (or victim) whose testimony sent him to jail, then you did not betray him.

    Either way, I think the logline would be strengthened if it mentioned the specific crime and your relationship to it.

     

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  2. Posted: July 1, 2019In: ,

    A woman struggles to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail alone as her recovery program from drug abuse and family tragedy.

    dpg Singularity

    mikepedley85,I take your point about the wording, but I don't think her decision was impulsive.? She starts her hike staggering under a heavy backpack.? Heavy because she took some time to research and purchase items -- too much time, perhaps .? (The heavy backpack is a visual metaphor for the heavyRead more

    mikepedley85,

    I take your point about the wording, but I don’t think her decision was impulsive.? She starts her hike staggering under a heavy backpack.? Heavy because she took some time to research and purchase items — too much time, perhaps .? (The heavy backpack is a visual metaphor for the heavy psychological burden she’s carrying.)? Also, she had the foresight to make arrangements for care packages to be mailed at intervals to various pickup points.

    The way the movie unfolds,? the “syuzhet” , there’s no definitive inciting incident.? She just commences her journey.? Only through the accumulation of backstory moments through flashbacks do we flesh out the “fabula” with the backstory, the personal tragedy and drug abuse problems that preceded and motivated the trek.

    >> is the story known well enough? in the US to user her name.

    The movie is an adaptation of a best-selling book by Cheryl Strayed.? But I think her feat is more widely known than her person.

    Anyway, maybe as an alternate version:

    With no hiking experience or companionship, a woman recovering from drug abuse and family tragedy struggles to hike 1100 miles of the Pacific Crest Trail.

    (25 words)

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  3. Posted: June 21, 2019In:

    Rumours of the special school closure looming, fifteen year old student Toni must? decide and risk everything she knows and believes to feel she finally belongs in her world.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Hi Athena, Glad you took my advice and posted it here... Richiev and DPG both raised similar issues and solutions to what we discussed at the meetup, this should give you some good direction for further development.    

    Hi Athena,

    Glad you took my advice and posted it here…

    Richiev and DPG both raised similar issues and solutions to what we discussed at the meetup, this should give you some good direction for further development.

     

     

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