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When amateur thieves break into his retirement home it’s upto an aging war veteran to kick their a**, risking his slip disk
This reads very well as a premise for a comedy.I would make the stakes higher, money is less relevant for these people than their memories.I would also expand the story to include more of the MC's retirement home commrads: After thieves break into their retirement village, a war veteran must lead aRead more
This reads very well as a premise for a comedy.
I would make the stakes higher, money is less relevant for these people than their memories.
I would also expand the story to include more of the MC’s retirement home commrads:
See lessAfter thieves break into their retirement village, a war veteran must lead a group of seniors, walking aids and all, to save their most cherished possessions.
An alien living as their friendly neighbourhood mechanic, must prevent his beloved street from getting sold block-by-block before the greedy billionaire visits his garage
egghead is a nice title. Would indicate a comedy a bit more to me. ?"their" friendly throws me -- who is "their" referring to? ? I'd stick to "the friendly." Block-by-block is also overkill for me. ?Can you come up with a better more nefarious description than billionaire? ?Greedy developer? ?friendRead more
egghead is a nice title. Would indicate a comedy a bit more to me. ?”their” friendly throws me — who is “their” referring to? ? I’d stick to “the friendly.”
Block-by-block is also overkill for me. ?Can you come up with a better more nefarious description than billionaire? ?Greedy developer? ?friendly and beloved ?serve the same purpose for me in regards to his affection for his neighbors.
Idea:
A shapeshifting alien, living as the friendly neighborhood mechanic, must prevent his block from getting sold before the greedy developer discovers eggs hibernating in his garage. ?
See lessA loyal husband and his wife have a double date with their two best friends. All goes well until the husband’s strong romantic feelings for his best friends’ girlfriend, who happens to be his ex, show up in the middle of the date. TITLE: Double Trouble
"When his feelings for an ex resurfaces on a double date..." Still why would anybody double date their Ex if their history had the potential of resurfacing? "After being forced by his wife to double date an Ex, his feelings for her reappear..." But you risk a passive protagonist with this version, sRead more
“When his feelings for an ex resurfaces on a double date…”
Still why would anybody double date their Ex if their history had the potential of resurfacing?
“After being forced by his wife to double date an Ex, his feelings for her reappear…”
But you risk a passive protagonist with this version, since he is dragged in Act II by his wife
I get a feeling that you kinda get the logline formula..
I’d suggest you post more loglines to see how it goes
Don’t go missing mrmmr
If you don’t believe me, read the crappy loglines most logliners posted in the beginning of their journey here
See lessWhile yours was a decent enough try..