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When a timid spoiled peeping tom discovers his poor law-school classmate is moonlighting as a cat burglar, she offers to set him up with the girl of his dreams in return for his silence.
I think you're trying to describe far too much complexity in the logline (and possibly the story as a whole) for it to be effective. Consider simplifying the MC, as DPG wrote pick one and make him or her clearly motivated.If it's the peeping Tom, you would have to work mighty hard to sell him to theRead more
I think you’re trying to describe far too much complexity in the logline (and possibly the story as a whole) for it to be effective. Consider simplifying the MC, as DPG wrote pick one and make him or her clearly motivated.
If it’s the peeping Tom, you would have to work mighty hard to sell him to the audience as a hero – not only is he a peeping Tom, but he also records his privacy intrusions on tape…
Not sure how you can come back from that, but assuming you still want to (you shouldn’t…), all the layers of descriptions in your explanation mean very little to the audience. Most cinema goers will recognise characters as one of three types: good, bad, and neutral. All the minutia nuances you’re trying for won’t have an effect, if anything, they’ll confuse most decision makers.
If, however, you go with the cat burglar (as DPG rightly advised) you have a morally corrupt character with a redeeming quality – doing the wrong thing for the right reason. This is actually a very powerful tendency to have in your MC – look how many Robin Hood iterations we’ve had over the years.
I myself just had a script optioned that’s about a guy doing the wrong thing for the right reason. I can’t say for sure, but I think that’s one of the reasons the producer wants the IP – it’s the kind of story that often seems to find an audience.
Anyway, this is your story so do what you think is best, but I strongly advise you rethink the concept and write a new version around the cat burglar.
See lessA self-centered man, doubting his relationship with his girlfriend, finds a way to jump through dimensions to find the woman he believes was ?the one,? but risks collapsing the entire multiverse before he finds her.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG. This could work as an OTT comedy based on a ludicrous premise ala' Hot Tub Time Machine. I would struggle to see it getting made without a Hollywood insider in on the development, but you never know.
Agreed with Foxtrot25 and DPG.
This could work as an OTT comedy based on a ludicrous premise ala’ Hot Tub Time Machine. I would struggle to see it getting made without a Hollywood insider in on the development, but you never know.
See lessA Scientist and Psychologist Couple manipulate the 2 Year Biosphere Living Experiment by selecting 4 lesbian Women and 4 heterosexual men. As the men go sex-crazy the Scientist allows them out for an evening, which ruins her psychological experiment and the couple, now accidentally locked inside, are at war with each other also. (Improved one from comments on this site. I hope to make this a comedy.)
At what point in the story do the couple become locked inside? (Beginning of second act?) What is the objective or goal once they are trapped inside? Is it just to survive for 2 years? What is stopping them from doing that? (Presumably the biosphere is set up to handle 8 inhabitants? So I imagine thRead more
At what point in the story do the couple become locked inside? (Beginning of second act?)
What is the objective or goal once they are trapped inside? Is it just to survive for 2 years? What is stopping them from doing that? (Presumably the biosphere is set up to handle 8 inhabitants? So I imagine there’d be plenty of supplies for 2 people trapped in there. Also, if they’re not actively trying to kill one another, and there’s no other antagonist, I’d say survival is pretty much assured. So what you have is 2 characters trapped in one location who dislike one another, but with no other objectives. So they’re just squabbling for the 90 min run time? I can’t imagine anyone would want to fund that film, much less see it).
I think there’s potential in the idea — the setup works for a low-budget kind of thing. But I agree with Nir; I think the premise needs work.
“After they’re sealed inside?their?biosphere experiment midway through a supply delivery, two?unscrupulous academics in a failing marriage must work together to survive the next 24 months.”
Trying that out, it makes me wonder; what is at stake if the experiment fails? That seems to provide the momentum for WHY they must tough it out, instead of just shut it down and escape.
Also — it feels like the repair of their relationship; and arc from distant to loving for the couple, is going to be central to the story. But I want to know, in the logline, what it is that might drive a wedge between them? Perhaps there are THREE people locked in there? (And this person can be used as the third point in a love triangle — perhaps, the third character is so spurned by the way they’re manipulated and used by the other two trying to get back at each other, that in the second half even becomes the antagonist; attempting to sabotage the experiment and kill them all before the end).
It feels more than a little “Bio-Dome”, but could have some of “The Martian” in there.
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