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LOSING WAIT – After a weak willed fat woman’s fiance tells her she’s gotten too big and he heads for the hills, she enlists a personal trainer who’s actually an angel sent by God with one shot to help someone or he’s banished to hell.
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state. A lonely obese woman enlists a personal traRead more
Look at your other loglines we have reviewed. Look at the suggestions. You spend way to much on the setup and jump over the story. Your setup could be done over the opening credits. Then what is the movie? We can still leave in some of her emotional state.
A lonely obese woman enlists a personal trainer who is an angel needing to help someone to save himself from hell.
Not great, but straight to the point. Think of the reader. They will never be reading your logline in isolation. They be reading hundreds, either in a comp or looking for a script. A wordy logline is just annoying, it also hides the story. Pile all your muscle into the main story. Stand out for content not fluff.
PS a setup is fluff.
See lessUNRELATABLE – An academic teen prodigy with zero social skills hires the dumbest jock imaginable to teach him how to attract his crush in time for prom.
If the nerd needs the charms of the jock to get the girl for the prom then it seems to me the story would be more interesting if ?the jock needs the ?brains of the nerd to stay eligible and play in the championship game. ?They're a high school Odd Couple who despise each other -- and need each otherRead more
If the nerd needs the charms of the jock to get the girl for the prom then it seems to me the story would be more interesting if ?the jock needs the ?brains of the nerd to stay eligible and play in the championship game. ?They’re a high school Odd Couple who despise each other — and need each other.
See lessROCKY ROAD – An overweight weekend warrior basketball player gets a once in a lifetime chance to play Lebron James one-on-one in a bout in which he strives to hold his own for his self-respect.
The logline is "Rocky" set on a basketball court.But the champion in "Rocky" was a fictional character. And the story line for "Space Jam" makes Michael Jordan a hero; his dramatic goal is to come to the rescue of the Looney Tunes cartoon characters, help them win their freedom (stakes) .Everyone loRead more
The logline is “Rocky” set on a basketball court.
But the champion in “Rocky” was a fictional character. And the story line for “Space Jam” makes Michael Jordan a hero; his dramatic goal is to come to the rescue of the Looney Tunes cartoon characters, help them win their freedom (stakes) .
Everyone loves a story about an underdog playing against 1,000,000 to 1 odds. ?But what are the odds that LeBron James would play in a movie where his role is nothing less than heroic?
If he doesn’t want to play the role assigned to him in this logline, then the movie project is DOA. ?Because he’s the hook of the logline.
The concept, as crafted, is entirely dependent on getting one person to participate.?
A logline should have a concept that can stand on its own, that is completely independent of a particular casting.
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