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Inorder to Save and Marry his Indian Girlfriend who is getting arranged Married, An American Highschool teacher is being tricked by his Indian Student and Colleagues plans & Kidnaps his Girlfriend from her Strict Cultural Family
The flow is disjointed in several places and many words have been unnecessarily capitalised. Having the twist of being tricked mid sentence could be amplified if it went closer to the end, thus building intrigue. A possible edit could be: In order to save his Indian girlfriend from an imminent arranRead more
The flow is disjointed in several places and many words have been unnecessarily capitalised. Having the twist of being tricked mid sentence could be amplified if it went closer to the end, thus building intrigue.
See lessA possible edit could be:
In order to save his Indian girlfriend from an imminent arranged marriage, an American high school teacher plans to kidnap his girlfriend from her strict cultural family, only to find he has been tricked by his Indian student and colleagues.
Still stuck in their rebellious college phase, a mid 30’s guy and girl best friends are forced to finally enter adulthood when the guy’s short term girlfriend becomes unexpectedly pregnant.
Dig it, leaning towards: “Two thirtysomething ex-coed partygoers are on a collision course with adulthood when one of their flings unexpectedly ends up pregnant” Take care.
Dig it, leaning towards:
“Two thirtysomething ex-coed partygoers are on a collision course with adulthood when one of their flings unexpectedly ends up pregnant”
Take care.
See lessA young woman’s life turn upside down when she joins a secret agency to fend off her bullies.
It doesn't look like there is an event that causes her to take this path. Loglines need three elements an Event (Inciting Incident), a character that that event happens to, and the the action the character takes as a result of the event. At the moment you only have a character and an action. The bulRead more
It doesn’t look like there is an event that causes her to take this path. Loglines need three elements an Event (Inciting Incident), a character that that event happens to, and the the action the character takes as a result of the event. At the moment you only have a character and an action. The bullies may have been bullying her for years. What happened to her that has forced her to join the secret Agency? What was it that turned her life upside down?
See less