There’s two commas in here and no period at the end. The word “nice” is used four times and I have no idea what’s going on the story because of the structure of the logline. Is this how the script is structured? It starts AFTER an inciting incident? Think about the manner and order in which you’re presenting information to your readers. You want it clear, simple, straightforward. If I have to read your logline two or more times just to figure out what the story is, the logline doesn’t work. It should be one single sentence that moves everything forward without slowing down. Pronoun clarity goes a long way toward making this work, and when you keep going back and forth between various characters without a more straightforward structure, it’s hard to know who’s who and who’s doing what or why.

So what’s the issue with the nice world? This is the hook of your story and you’ve left it blank. It’s an intriguing concept you’ve failed to mention. What WOULD happen if everyone in the world was nice? We need some idea of the second act or we don’t get enough of your story.