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A daughter and a father sits at a table. From chewing with her mouth open, to bad table manners to taking drugs right in front of him, the father does not realise anything because he is distracted by his phone.
Is this a short? If so, you should mention it in the comment section. (If it's not a short, then you have a problem as this will not hold the audience's attention for 90 minutes.) As this seems like a good subject matter for a short, I'll assume it is a short. Most shorts are structured like a jokeRead more
Is this a short? If so, you should mention it in the comment section. (If it’s not a short, then you have a problem as this will not hold the audience’s attention for 90 minutes.)
As this seems like a good subject matter for a short, I’ll assume it is a short. Most shorts are structured like a joke in that they have a setup followed by a punch. (In contrast to a joke, the punch in a short need not be funny, but could be sad or horrifying.) You don’t want to give away the punch. Your logline should be all about the setup. Try this for starters and see where you can take it:
When her father is too distracted by his iPhone to listen to the story of her science project, a ten year old girl resorts to ever more drastic measures to get his attention.
See lessDuring an alien invasion that’s happening in their town, a young couple must stick together to stop their neighbors from being abducted.
>>They?re the last two people on Earth.That's the story hook and should be part of the logline.? Otherwise the premise doesn't make much sense and isn't very interesting.
>>They?re the last two people on Earth.
That’s the story hook and should be part of the logline.? Otherwise the premise doesn’t make much sense and isn’t very interesting.
See lessA pair of young lovers from rival lobster fishing gangs in Maine must unite their communities in order to defend their territories against the encroaching Canadian lobster mafia.
Beck:If I understand you rightly what is "inciting" the conflict now is warming ocean waters.? That should certainly factor into the story.? However, if the lobsters are migrating northward because of warming waters, then shouldn't the dramatic problem be American lobster men poaching in Canadian waRead more
Beck:
If I understand you rightly what is “inciting” the conflict now is warming ocean waters.? That should certainly factor into the story.? However, if the lobsters are migrating northward because of warming waters, then shouldn’t the dramatic problem be American lobster men poaching in Canadian waters and areas in international waters traditionally claimed and worked by Canadians??? IOW: who really are the designated “bad guys” in this scenario?? If the Canadians are, then what is motivating them to come south?? Seems like? the Americans wold be the group more negatively impacted by warming waters.
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