1. Posted: July 2, 2019In:

    A shy guy tries to seduce a snobby girl during an awkward pre-arranged mating session between their chihuahua dogs. COMEDY SHORT

    Richiev Singularity

    For a short I like the premise, two shy people meet to allow their dogs to mate, it's embarrassing so they engage in small talk while behind them you hear the mating noises. As for the logline, this is a little tougher, the line, "Must deal with the situation" is not very specific. How does he speciRead more

    For a short I like the premise, two shy people meet to allow their dogs to mate, it’s embarrassing so they engage in small talk while behind them you hear the mating noises.

    As for the logline, this is a little tougher, the line, “Must deal with the situation” is not very specific. How does he specifically deal with the situation?

    Is his objective to just get through the situation?

    Is his goal to put his counterpart at ease?

    Is his goal to get a date from the girl?

    Anyway, I like this premise as a short or even just as a skit,? but you might want to add a specific or two, to the logline.

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  2. Posted: June 14, 2019In:

    When a taser-slinging HOA president threatens to harm her pooch, a mom stages a coup to take him down ? during the neighborhood?s ladies-only Bunco Night. (25 words)

    dpg Singularity

    Agree with mikepedley85 that the tasering could be the tipping point provocation, the one that triggers the woman to plot a coup .? And it's the culmination of a series of offenses inflicted by the HOA honcho on others, not just the antagonist.? That is necessary in order to motivate others to becomRead more

    Agree with mikepedley85 that the tasering could be the tipping point provocation, the one that triggers the woman to plot a coup .? And it’s the culmination of a series of offenses inflicted by the HOA honcho on others, not just the antagonist.? That is necessary in order to motivate others to become co-conspirators.

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  3. Posted: June 12, 2019In:

    A group therapy each of them for a different self control problem decide to take revenge after hearing the new member story.

    Best Answer
    Mike Pedley Singularity

    This doesn't read properly. I'm confused as to what the story is actually about. Check out the "Our formula" tab for help with formatting.My questions that I have currently:Who's the protagonist?Who is getting revenge against who and how?How is this a comedy?Once this logline is in a more conventionRead more

    This doesn’t read properly. I’m confused as to what the story is actually about. Check out the “Our formula” tab for help with formatting.

    My questions that I have currently:

      1. Who’s the protagonist?
      2. Who is getting revenge against who and how?
      3. How is this a comedy?

    Once this logline is in a more conventional format, and at the very least provides answers to 1 & 2 above, it will be easier to offer more feedback.

    Fwiw, I do like what I think is the idea behind this. I need more information to understand it better though.

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