?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Foxtrot25Uberwriter
?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
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“?A cop and his K-9 companion unintentionally hijack a billion dollar drug shipment from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.”
Well, we know the antagonists’ goal. What about the protagonist? As a result of finding this shipment, what do they set out to do? Also, what cartel would be so bold as to put a billion dollars of their drug money all together at once?
Here’s an example:?When he finds a billion dollar drug ship, a cop must transport it to a federal vault before the ruthless cartel can take it back. (25)
The hijacking is the inciting incident, and should be framed as such. Now, what is the actual goal? I just made one up for an example, but what is your actual story about?
What Dkpough1 said: ?what is the protagonist’s goal? ?What must he do with the haul?
Also a billion dollars worth of drugs in one haul? ?Millions, certainly. Tens of millions, okay. ?But a billion dollars is not credible for a number of reasons including that it would entail a bulk size that would be difficult to hide from the DEA,ergo, ?easier to spot ?– contrary to standard drug mule m.o.
And what is the drug? ?Cocaine, heroin, meth?
Agreed with Dkpough1 and DPG.
I think a location would also help. Where are they? In New Mexico? And by cartel you mean a Mexican Cartel? If so mention Mexican Cartel – it will help clarify the dangers and the nature of the antagonists.
I’ll add that for some reason the fact that the MC is with his K9 best friend made it seem like a comedy more than like an action flick, perhaps change it to action/comedy.
Thanks for all of your advice. How about this version:
After a cop and his K-9 companion steal and hide a truck loaded with synthetic drugs, they must both survive one night on the abandoned streets of Detroit while evading a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
Thx for the help.
Tony.
Or this one:
A cop and his K-9 companion are on the run through the abandoned streets of Detroit with a truck full of synthetic drugs stolen from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to get it back.
This kind of brings it all together, though:
A cop and his K-9 companion must survive one night on the abandoned streets of Detroit with a truck load of synthetic drugs stolen from a ruthless cartel who will do anything to get it back.
I think you’re getting too hung up on the K-9. Sure, the dog may be a major part of the script, but like Nir Shelter said it immediately brings to mind a more comedic story, but the way you have it now including the K-9 in the logline is unnecessary. The cop is the protagonist.
Why would a police officer steal drugs? If he was doing his job he would be getting evidence or whatever to be able to make arrests. If he’s stealing it, then indicate that he’s corrupt. Why only one night? The cartel will stop at nothing to get it back…as long as it’s tonight? And how in the world is Detroit just ‘abandoned’?
The second one has the first problem as your first version. What is the specific objective goal of the cop? In the very first version you had it so that the cop unintentionally finds these drugs, so whatever situation he’s in, it would probably mean it’s a legal seizure. But if he just steals them? What’s the point, unless he’s corrupt? A simple solution would be to have the cop pull over whoever is driving the truck, or have him legally be able to search the truck and find the drugs, and then seize them.
Example: ?When a routine traffic stop ends in the seizure of a truck full of synthetic drugs, a cop must transport it to police custody before a ruthless cartel takes it back. (31)
Come to think about it, as one who has been involved in drug seizures, I have to wonder about the time line. ?It’s standard procedure for contraband to be transported to the police station and booked into property ASAP. ? ASAP ?meaning with all deliberate speed, ?within an hour or two after the seizure. To prevent just the scenario the logline outlines.
But if the cop has no intention of turning in the drugs, then Dkpough1 raises legitimate questions as to the integrity of the cop, his qualifications for being an admirable protagonist, one an audience would root for.
fwiw
Assuming that the cop is not corrupt and is trying to take the drugs legally, perhaps the inciting incident should be tweaked. Rather than be when he acquires the drugs, it should be the moment the cartel first tries to get them back.
Example:?When a truck carrying seized drugs is attacked, a cop must transport the drugs to the police station before a cartel can take them back. (25)
So while he’s in the process of getting them secure he’s attacked . I think that would fix the concern DPG raised about the standard procedure to get them booked ASAP. ?Onscreen it could be as simple as the truck has a GPS, or the cartel has people all over place who are able to identify it.
Okay,
All issues are valid and I get where they come from. A concern I’m seeing here is that you guys appear to be predicting the story based from the log, which is fine. Although, the angle of this log is to create interest and hook a reader with as many elements as possible within a very short writing sample — indeed a very reason why writing loglines are so challenging and fun.
So, that’s why I keep including the K-9 — but only because this is a serious cop and dog story where they save each others lives and save the day. Now, If that reminds you of a comedy, like Turner and Hooch, Reno or K-9 then I think I understand why — there seems to be few or no serious cop/dog buddy movies to reference. I guess, there could be a reason why this story doesn’t work, I dunno. But, aside from that, I’m not trying to convey a comedy whatsoever, rather, I’m trying to stay large, gritty and in your face with this story.
So, for the log’s sake, here’s a beat:
— Cop and K-9 help other cops bust a large shipment of synthetic drugs that threaten a new utopian community build on the old streets of Detroit by a billionaire philanthropist. The community will act as the containment for the 1 day chase.
— Cop saves a female cop’s life and they fall in love. Cop also reveals his traumatic military past and how it culminates into who he is and why he does certain things.
— Cop realizes that he’s now a pawn for the philanthropist in his efforts to wipe out what’s left of the local narcotic competition.
— Cop and K-9 steal a secondary, and much larger shipment from the philanthropist, get boxed within the corrupt community and must survive on their own while corrupt police and hired guns chase them down.
— Philanthropist kidnaps Cop’s love interest and forces an epic showdown, Ala Die Hard style.
Forced to steal a truck loaded with a deadly designer drug, a narcotics cop, his dog and his new girlfriend must somehow survive the night inside of a Detroit neighborhood while on the run from a ruthless cartel that will stop at nothing to extract revenge.
How’s this one?
Please don’t give up on me. 🙂
Tony.
Revenge is redundant – the gang want the drugs back and their motives are clear enough already.
The girlfriend and dog can be cut as they add little, if at all, to the plot. The story in as of itself seems a bit confusing, I’m referring to the logline alone not considering the explanation.
Why was the cop forced to steal a truck with drugs?
Why are the drugs deadly? Wouldn’t the drug dealers want their customers to stay alive and addicted to their product?
What is his goal? “…somehow survive the night…” is vague, does he need to drive the truck over to the nearest police station? If so specify it.
Or I can just go with plain ole:
A rogue Detroit cop commanders a truck full of drugs which he must use to trade for the life of his girlfriend.
How about:
A rogue cop commanders a shipment of drugs from a corrupt politician which he then uses to trade for his life and also the life of his girlfriend.
Or:
?After seizing a truck load of drugs, a rogue cop must fight his way out of a corrupt city before a merciless cartel hunts him down.?
Your story seems to have a lot of moving parts, too many (obviously) to fit into a logline.
So let’s try the KISS approach (Keep It Simple Screenwriter). Every good logline needs to have a hook a feature that immediately (immediately as in a few words) grabs the reader’s attention, makes him want to know more — more than can be summarized in a logline. ?In other words, makes him want to read the script — the primary goal of a logline.
So what do you conceive to be the hook in this story?
With a lot of help from you guys as well as this website, I think I like this, best:
?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?
Thx again, folks.
“?A rogue cop must stop an audacious drug lord from establishing Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the West.?”
I think this needs an inciting incident. I am in agreement with dpg(from a past discussion) that action loglines need an inciting incident, to establish why this character would shake up their status quo in order to put themselves in danger.
So what is it that makes this cop go rogue? To not only risk his freedom and job, but to risk his life to fight against this this drug lord outside of the law?
Been using this to pitch with:
A lone cop must save his kidnapped girlfriend from an audacious drug lord about to establish Detroit as the narcotics capitol of the world.
Detroit, the new drug capital of the world?
Hmm.
Putting that in the parking lot for now, ?now I’m confused. ?What’s the unifying action (the plot) ?that drives the action of your story? ? I thought that it was a cop taking down a ruthless drug lord. And having his girlfriend kidnapped was a complication, that ups the stakes and tension.
?
But this one, lol, is my favorite…
A Detroit cop goes rogue to evade a corrupt police department and stop a drug cartel from selling a new synthetic hallucinogen before they kill his kidnapped girlfriend.
Can you strip your concept down to a hook, the “secret sauce” that differentiates your story from all the other cop versus drug lords movies that have already been made? ?As I presume you are all too well aware, there is a surfeit of them. (The last one to impress me was “Sicarrio”)
Which triggers me to ask: have you thought of making the cop a kick-ass female, reverse the rescue role: she has to save her boyfriend?
(When I reversed roles on a cop story I’ve been working on — don’t worry it’s not about drug lords or drug dealing — made the protagonist a female, the story just exploded with new possibilities. ?Possibilities that worked so much better for a female protagonist. fwiw.)
Three good for nothing youths unexpectedly gain superpowers and must save their crumbling city, YGN, from complete destruction.
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