1) In order to save two girls, a cop must go into the disturbed criminal’s mind to find where the criminal hide them before they die a painful death and risk losing his own mind in the process. 2) With two girls kidnapped and missing and the criminal in custody, a cop gets caught up in a game with a smart yet mentally disturbed criminal in order to find out where the criminal stashed the girls before they die. (Psychological Horror)

Version 1 – I’m a little confused by the “go into the disturbed criminal’s mind” bit. Do you mean literally? Like Inception? How does the cop lose his own mind?

Version 2 – This reminds me of Silence of the Lambs. If the criminal is in custody how are these girls going to die? Is it simply a waiting game – they’ll die of thirst – or has he anticipated his capture and that’s part of his game (Like Seven)? I want to know what this game actually entails. Is it mind games while they sit and talk? Or is the cop going out and doing tasks like Die Hard with a Vengeance? Be more specific so that the reader can visualise the story a little better.

I want to know where the action is mostly taking place. If it’s largely within the interrogation room at police HQ then I worry that, visually, it’s not very interesting. If the protagonist is journeying inside the criminal’s mind – that could be cool! Definitely needs to be clearer though. Could you just call him a psychic cop? That would possibly be enough to tie up version 1 a little better. I also think this concept is a better hook than anything in version 2. That being said, if this cop is psychic (or whatever) surely it’s pretty easy for him to just locate them. How is this going to be more of a challenge for him?

Interesting concept, I think it just needs to be unpacked a little more.

Hope this helps.