A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.
EethanSamurai
A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.
Share
“A con-artist uses a spy?s stolen dummy credit card to repay a debt, but, when it disables every online banking system in the world, together they must trace the virus to its source before it disappears.”
Example: After?accidentally unleashing a virus that disables all online banking, a con-artist must team up with a spy in order to trace the virus before it goes into hibernation to?evolve. ?(~31 words)
The odd thing about yours is that it seems as though the MC has already lost. The virus has been released and done its purpose. So what are the stakes, why do they need to find the virus after it has disabled all banking? That’s why I added the evolution part in my example; if they don’t trace and stop the virus before it can evolve, then it will wreak even more havoc.
So, what is at stake in your story?
Also, in your version I think you focus too much on the fact that the credit card is stolen. Is that specific detail completely necessary for the logline? The inciting incident is the virus disabling banking.
“When a con-artist swindles a ?framed spy out of his dummy credit card to repay a debt, it suddenly disables every online banking system in the world. Together they must reverse the effect before ?patriotic spies and vindictive loan sharks hunt them down.”
This has the same situation as the other, meaning that it focuses too much on the theft and debt. What causes them to be hunted down? Why, because of the inciting incident, are they hunted? It seems like they would be in that situation regardless, whether the virus were released or not, because you say he has a debt to pay and the other has been framed.
So, what is their goal, and what action do they take to achieve it?
Others mileage may vary, but this logline raises more questions than curiosity in my mind. ?In order for the plot to take off, ?it has be credible to the audience that swiping a piece of plastic can unleash a virus.
Which is quite a trick to pull off as viruses are unleashed by inserting packets of code into systems — not swiping pieces of plastic. ? So what’s the “magic”? There will have to an exposition scene early in the story explaining how it could happen. ?What’s the technical explanation?
And why would the spy possess it? ?Aren’t spies supposed to collect information — not destroy it?
>> more questions raised than necessary.
Indeed.
Another technical quibble: ?”before the virus disappears’ — but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem! ?Once the virus is gone (How> — does it self-destruct after XX hours?) ?the banking system can be rebooted. ?Just as when a virus disappears from the human body, the cold clears up.
So “tracing the virus” doesn’t make sense as the objective goal. Although tracing the origin? of the virus might be a step along the way to the objective goal. ?Which is…?
“Another technical quibble: ??before the virus disappears? ? but that is, in effect, a solution to the problem!”
Yes, I addressed this in my own review as well. Another thing that comes to mind how good of a spy is this guy if he gives up a card containing a virus-or any card at all-to a con-artist. But that brings up more questions. Is that supposed to be his role? A not very good spy? But then why would he have the card? Does he know the card contains the virus?
I suppose these are not problems with the concept, but it just adds more questions to the logline.
One last comment: If the story were lighthearted or a comedy, then the incompetent spy would be a good angle to use. But it seems you’re going more serious. If the intended tone is more lighthearted than bleak, gritty drama-thriller, I suggest you change the logline to reflect that.
I like the start, but in a strange way I then think the premise gets sidetracked. It almost feels like two different stories. It feels like it should either become a mistaken identity story, whereby as he used the card those after the real spy, but have no idea what he looks like, come for this guy or he starts using it to live the spy lifestyle, only to be caught up in a real plot.
The premise could work, as I assume the dummy card is actually a government device to be used on the real spy’s mission, which is meant to be abroad so when he uses it, will bring down the system. Now the spy not wanting to admit his mistake teams up with the person who stole it to disable the virus before it reaches it’s activation point (Which could be a spread level) I guess, for me, your current one feels disjointed however I think with some focus on why these characters would work together then it’ll work for the bigger picture.
Hope that makes sense