A curious detective becomes obsessed with figuring out the truth after finding her parents murder case, forcing her to go against her oath as an investigator to solve the mystery.

I’m a little confused to be honest. What oath? I’m assuming that her parent’s case is unsolved? If it’s unsolved, why is it a problem for her to be the one to solve it? Is it because it’s personal?

Loglines should never leave the reader asking more questions than they’re getting answers.

Inciting incident – “finding her parent’s murder case” – ok… but why is that interesting? What about this sparks her curiosity? What about that is any different to any other day for a detective. This incident should flip the protagonist’s world upside down. As a detective, and knowing her parents were murdered, surely this was available to her all the time? What is special about this time?

Protagonist – Detectives are curious. It’s a given. Maybe consider another characteristic that gives us a clue to her inner journey (arc). What are her flaws? What does she discover about herself?

Goal – “Solve the mystery” – Great! I don’t think we need any more info really but to make this hit home, the inciting incident needs to be more than just “She opens a drawer and inside is a folder. She flips it open and realises it’s her parent’s murder case”. ?There’s gotta be something that only she can figure?out (assuming it’s unsolved – that’s not specified).

Stakes – If the I.I. is stronger, I’m not sure you need to put stakes in. It’s personal – that’s relatable. She wants closure.

Antagonist – What’s standing in her way? Her oath as an investigator? Unwrap this because the reader needs to understand why this is a problem. Although, once she makes the decision to investigate, that oath is out the window so what else is standing in her way?

You’ve put this as an action film but currently I’m seeing it as a thriller. I think with genres such as Action, Comedy, and Horror, the reader needs to immediately see where the action/humour/horror is coming from. Action films usually have big plots – aliens invading earth, superheroes, etc etc. There are car chases, gun fights, epic battles and the stakes are big – death, destruction, etc, etc (although this is not always the case). I feel like your story is a very personal story – it’s small in scale (this isn’t a criticism) so I’m struggling to see where the action is. It might well be an action story BUT that needs to be evident in the logline. If you’re not sure – stick it in thriller (or crime or drama). A lot of thrillers have action scenes too.

The only other thing is what’s the hook? What makes this different to every other detective takes on a personal case story? Why should an audience watch this one? I feel like you’re holding this information back. Don’t! That’s what will make you stand apart from the others.

Hope this helps.