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S.C.WillLogliner
Posted: May 30, 20162016-05-30T17:20:08+10:00 2016-05-30T17:20:08+10:00In: Thriller

A damaged young man finally finds love only to be betrayed by his best friend which pushes him over the edge. He must regain his sanity or continue hurting others.

A damaged young man finally finds love only to be betrayed by his best friend which pushes him over the edge. He must regain his sanity or continue hurting others.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-05-30T18:40:57+10:00Added an answer on May 30, 2016 at 6:40 pm

      It is too vague. ?Tell us what his goal is, what is standing in his way of achieving it.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-05-30T21:17:54+10:00Added an answer on May 30, 2016 at 9:17 pm

      Not only is it vague in terms of an objective goal, it’s vague in term of the inciting incident and his psychological malady.

      I’m guessing “betrayed by his best friend” means his best friend steals his girl. ?So say it explicitly. ?And what does “push over the edge mean”? ?Also, “continue hurting others” — how is he hurting them?

      And “continue”? ?Does that mean he was hurting them before his best friend stole his girl?

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-05-31T15:25:02+10:00Added an answer on May 31, 2016 at 3:25 pm

      Agreed with the above comments.

      Another problem is that the description of “…continue hurting others?” makes for an unlikable character. He hurts people and will keep on doing so unless he gets his way – why would the audience develop empathy towards him?

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