Penpusher
Posted: 2020-05-05T08:41:28+10:00 In:

A group of women back from the dead get revenge against bullies who tormented them when they were in high school.

American Pulp

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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Hey Tony! Your concept reminds me of ?13 Reasons Why?.

      A few points regarding your logline:

      • what is the obstacle for the women in your story? They get revenge, okay. But what is standing in their way? You can have revenge in a matter of seconds, so you have to have more in order to build a feature screenplay.
      • your intended genre is comedy. What are funny elements in your story? I don?t see any hints in your logline, so best if you try to add them into your logline.
      • also: don?t include the ending in your logline (they get revenge) if that is their final goal, maybe go for:?try to get revenge?or they want to?find their bullies to get revenge.

      After a? clique of tormented women rise again from the dead, they try to find each bully from their past high school years in order to get revenge.

      But again, what are the comedic elements? For me it is more a kind of horror or thriller story.

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    2. Samurai

      INTENTION: get revenge against bullies.

      OBSTACLE: ???

      Who is the protagonist? One of the bullies?

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    3. Penpusher

      HI Tony.? What interests me about your logline was the Genre of comedy. when i read it i didnt get that feeling at all, and i think its quite a unique spin. so i would suggest to use language that eludes to it being a comedy. I.e “a nerdy” or “outcast group of dorks” something to give a visual image of who these girls are as well as making it a bit cheeky and funny. id also ask yourself, whats at stake for these girls? what happens if they dont achieve what they want to do. either way – good stuff. keeping going with it mate!

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