A man who thought he could change the traditional values and cultural status quo of his local community and who in the process, unwittingly challenged the powers that be. Powers embedded in the system to protect against and ensure such atrocity would not take flight; thus dangerously endangering his life and that of the members of his family. From the rural lands to the bright lights of an unknown and strange city, the battle raged.
OraclePenpusher
A man who thought he could change the traditional values and cultural status quo of his local community and who in the process, unwittingly challenged the powers that be. Powers embedded in the system to protect against and ensure such atrocity would not take flight; thus dangerously endangering his life and that of the members of his family. From the rural lands to the bright lights of an unknown and strange city, the battle raged.
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…. To complicated for me. Don’t get the main theme.
As previously mentioned this logline is confusing and fails to describe a plot.
Best not to describe in detail the thoughts of the characters nor the status quo in the society they live in, rather let the tensions and stakes become clear as a result of the story elements.
The next draft of the logline should focus on the main character, his goal and nothing else.
As noted,?the logline is?too long and too general.? Almost every drama is essentially a story about someone who?takes on the??status quo, ?who challenges the powers-that-be, who? puts his life in jeopardy.?? This?logline needs particulars, specifics.