A middle aged couple take their niece on a haunted ghost tour in hopes of reconnecting, only to sense the tour guide may not be a guide at all but a ghost.
EricaSamurai
A middle aged couple take their niece on a haunted ghost tour in hopes of reconnecting, only to sense the tour guide may not be a guide at all but a ghost.
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The logline sets up a situation for a plot, but it doesn’t fully deliver a plot. ?The plot begins where the logline ends: ?that is, what happens after it becomes apparent the guide is a ghost? ?What dramatic question does that raise? ?As a result what becomes the couple’s objective goal?
(I’m presuming the couple are the co-protagonists. ?If the protagonist is the niece, then the logline needs to be framed to give her the “starring role”.)
And “reconnecting” to what? ?Rebuilding their relationship? ?Connecting to the niece? Or…?
fwiw
Agreed with DPG.
The premise lacks a coherent plot. I get what you’re trying to do – set up a dramatic moment of realisation at the end to leave the viewer in awe, but I believe the audience will figure it out ahead of the characters and it won’t pay off. More to the point, it’s not dramatic as there was no real need established in connection with the ghost.
I suggest you consider a plot instead of a setup and dramatic payoff paradigm, even if it is as simp as a survival plot like the ghost trapping them and the niece taking charge in their fight to escape.
If you were to pick one character as the protagonist who would it be?
Erica, my first question raised is why is “middle aged” important enough to mention? I like the reconnecting part with the niece. Recommend emphasizing that, while adding a valid stakes.