A pacifistic NYPD cadet and a loner detective investigate the source of a new street drug, leading them to a notorious dealer; but they’re just a pawn, and someone much more powerful runs the operation.
JSieffPenpusher
A pacifistic NYPD cadet and a loner detective investigate the source of a new street drug, leading them to a notorious dealer; but they’re just a pawn, and someone much more powerful runs the operation.
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As of now, your film reads as:
“While investigating a new drug, 2 vigilante are lead to a notorious dealer”
Since there’s always someone much more powerful running the operation (otherwise why bother with the logline?)
Q. Then what happens?
As a result, my query is
1. Who is your protagonist, the cadet or the detective?
2. Is “investigating the new drug and reaching the infamous dealer” their inciting incident?
3. What is his/her goal as a result of meeting the dealer?
One additional question that pops is
Why are they “pacifist” and “loner”?
Would tweaking these details change the character-event-goal dynamic of your film?
If not, I suggest you change or remove it
Since its much more important, that his/her goal becomes clear after he/she meets the dealer (if it IS the Inciting Incident)
If the cadet refuses to fire, why doesn’t the military fire him instead (pun intended)
I agree. ?this logline reads too generic right now. Nothing hooks yet as feeling like a new or a mashup of familiar ideas used in a new way.
You need to give the reader more details than are currently in the logline. What makes this duo’s mission interesting? What is the major obstacle standing in their way? Right now this concept lacks unique elements needed to separate it from most police procedural fare on TV.