A rebellious teen?s family goes missing. During her search for them, she uncovers a government conspiracy to end all religion.
jd099mPenpusher
A rebellious teen?s family goes missing. During her search for them, she uncovers a government conspiracy to end all religion.
Share
We need to know what the ?teen plans on doing about the conspiracy (and why it would personally involve her at all..?) — there are no logical?or personal?stakes here at all.
How are the two things linked together? There is no structure or connection in this logline and no reason for it to be split into several sentences (which breaks the flow of the screenplay).
You have a flawed protagonist, an inciting incident and a goal. But what is stopping her find her family? And what does the conspiracy have to do with it? Is her family extremely religious — if so state that. Your almost there with this one just a good rewrite will help a lot. Hope this helps.
I myself am unable to suspend disbelief in the premise that a government could suppress all religion as a conspiracy, a covert plot that no one knows about until the teen discovers it.
Best to describe events in a logline – After her family disappear a teen must…
As it’s written (A rebellious teen’s family goes missing) the inciting incident comes across as describing a situation already in play before the story begins. Also as previously mentioned best to describe a single clear goal what she plans to do about either her discovery or her family.
How about this:
After a rebellious teen’s Christian?parents?go missing, she sets out to find them and uncovers?a governmental plot to suppress all religion.
I think an antagonist and flaw would help make this a more compelling concept.
Not sure rebellious is quite the best choice, what other flaw could you give her that would make it harder for her to achieve her goal?
Secondly is there a bad guy or gal? I think it would be better to make her face an opponent – a crazed government agent, or a staunch socialist. Other wise the enemy is faceless and the obstacle?unclear.
I still ?am unable to buy the the premise that the protagonist is the 1st one to discover a government plot to suppress all religion. ?That doesn’t make sense. ?In every instance in history where a government set out to suppress religion, everyone darn well knew about it.
What’s the trick that enables the big bad government in this scenario to suppress all religions ?– and no one knows about it until the kid stumbles upon it.
But, if I could buy into the premise, what becomes the teen’s objective goal when he discovers it? ?What must he do about it?
And since he’s a rebellious teen, the logical conclusion is that he isn’t scrupulous about walking the strait and narrow path of righteousness himself. ?So why would he care if all religion is being suppressed? What are the personal stakes for him?