A sadistic killer lures young girls into his trap when they log on a mega church’s good samaritan app. A small town deputy must face his own dark past in order to stop the killer before he strikes again.
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A sadistic killer lures young girls into his trap when they log on a mega church’s good samaritan app. A small town deputy must face his own dark past in order to stop the killer before he strikes again.
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Great premise. However you gloss over the deputy. Don’t leave the reader guessing. “His own dark past”, was he a killer? Was he attacked? Was he a defrock preacher at the mega church? All these make for a completely different story.
Tell the story. People will ask for the script to how you execute it, if they can see it.
The hook of the story is that “good Samaritan app”, the element in the logline that distinguishes it from the boilerplate catch-me-if-you-can contest between a flawed cop and a devious killer. Okay, but I think the logline needs polish and focus.
I’m guessing the main character is ?the deputy.? But the?villain gets top billing by appearing?1st and getting almost as many words (19) before anything is said about?the deputy (20).? So who owns the story?? The deputy or the killer?
And “face his own dark” relates more to?deputy’s ?subjective need than his objective goal.?? His objective goal is to catch the killer.? And as noted, “his own darkness” ?is vague, lacks specificity.? How does it constitute a character flaw that makes it harder for the deputy to catch the killer?? Which, after all, is the primary dramatic purpose of a character flaw.
What I take “face his own darkness” to mean is that the serial killer is the incarnation of the deputy’s own repressed shadow, his own evil impulses to seduce and kill.? Protagonist and antagonist are bound together by?a secret?psychological??symmetry.?? That’s what would interest me in the story, but it’s tough to pull off.?? Best wishes.
Agreed with the above comments.
Also the MC isn’t doing much other than his job, best to give him higher stakes that make catching the killer either personal or career critical.
You could potentially do away with “good samaritan” It’s a bit of a stopper, I was wondering what that might entail when really I need to be thinking about what your story is about. perhaps “Mega-churche’s app” would suffice.