A secretly psychic troubleshooter, after”seeing” an old Nazi secret is part of the trouble she has to “shoot”, has to decide if she can live with it.
A secretly psychic troubleshooter, after”seeing” an old Nazi secret is part of the trouble she has to “shoot”, has to decide if she can live with it.
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Why did you decide to use quotations 2x in one sentence?
Part of the trouble? Live with? I don’t understand who or which you are referring.
Plus 1 star for Nazi secret though.
You can’t keep the secret a secret in the logline.? For one thing, there have been too many films done over the decades about secret Nazi this and that (conspiracies, Swiss bank accounts, art treasures buried in mines, hideouts in Argentina, etc.)– it’s become a tired trope.
Your logline needs to reveal the secret. Agents, producers and directors want to know if you’ve got a new take on the trope before they’re going to ask to read the script.
And loglines are not about decisions to be made… eventually, maybe.? Loglines are about the action that follows from a decision that is made; specifically, the decision to commit to an objective goal.
Through all the iterations of your logline, I still don’t have a clear sense of what her objective goal is.? So, for the moment I suggest forgetting about writing a complete logline with all the required elements.? Just write one short sentence stating her objective goal.? ?Nothing more.? ?Just her objective goal.? What is it? What she must do?? Exactly,? what is she struggling to achieve?
What is a normal trouble shooting job? Give us the task and how does this keep her out of gaol.
This will drive her needs and wants, which is what the story is really about. For example:
A psychic is promised no gaol time if she helps a powerful businessman locate an artifact only to ?see? it is connected to Nazi atrocities and her action will prevent justice.
This needs more work. But I am guessing the story is she must decide to do the right thing for herself or by other, but she?ll try to do both.
Too much vagueness in the logline? (a “troubleshooter” what’s that? Sounds like an IT guy). Don’t hide the secret from the logline reader and then the “shoot” portion brings more confusion.
Remember that a logline is mainly for some Hollywood big shot that has millions of dollars in the bank and is waiting for the perfect story to come across his table to read and pump money into for production. Ask yourself, when he reads your logline, will it make him salivate and yell “LET ME SEE THE SCRIPT!” or will it make him scratch his head and go back to his lunch? On a lesser scale, would telling your best friend what a movie is about in that logline sentence make them want to rush to the theater? Take the mystery out of the logline and be enticing and direct. Just my two cents.