A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.
FreeWillLogliner
A smooth talking, but psychologically damaged, criminal with face-blindness rips off a dangerous drug-lord with help from his tough-guy brother. When they are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice, he must overcome his psychological challenges and track the psychopath through the underground world of experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy in order to retrieve the drugs and prevent his brother being murdered.
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You’ve included a LOT of information here that probably can be whittled away. Keep your logline focussed; event, action, flawed character, antagonist, stakes (and if pertinent, deadline and irony).
“When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a botched hand-off, a callous face-blind crook must track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and return the money he has absconded with.”
– It is unclear how the ‘psycho-therapy’ portion, though drug-related, is the world through which the protagonist must journey to catch the guy who has ripped him off?
– Wouldn’t it work better if the protagonist doesn’t already know the guy who has ripped him off? Even with face-blindness … wouldn’t he have ways to identify people he actually knows?
Hi, there is a lot of information in here and the face blindness doesn’t seem to play much into it. How might the blindness play into it or what is the metaphor that the blindness represents.
It’s an interesting character weakness (as distinct from a character flaw which is usually defined in terms of a moral failing or emotional wound);? it’s so unusual that I suggest the entire plot should focus and pivot on it. Just as in “Memento”, the plot focuses on and pivots on the protagonist’s loss of long-term memory storage.
But, as Knightrider suggested,? I am not sure it does in this logline.? The concept is too cluttered.? ? It’s going to be challenging enough for a logline reader to swallow and digest the notion of face-blindness.? Don’t try to cram other things down our throat.? Simplify, simplify, simplify.? Less is more.
For instance, in light of his cognitive impairment, the inciting incident could be he witnesses the death of his beloved brother at the hands of a villain — but he can’t identify the murderer’s face in a line up.? His objective goal is to ID the murderer in spite of his cognitive impairment and bring him to justice.
fwiw
I would try to shorten this logline. I’ll give it a shot. See what you feel!
“A smooth talking psychologically damaged criminal, with face-blindness and his brother rips off a drug-lord. They are betrayed by their psychopathic accomplice who must overcome his psychological challenges to find an experimental hallucinogenic psycho-therapy ?and prevent the murder of his brother.”
>>but quickly discovered it has been done before.
For instance?
>>>?When a drug lord holds his brother to ransom over a stolen shipment, a callous criminal with face blindness enlists the aid of other people with rare neurological disorders to track down his psychopathic ex-accomplice and retrieve the drugs.?
Frankly — one reader’s opinion — I’m not (yet) sold on the plot.? But I was sold on the hook of face blindness from the first reading.? Even though I believe it’s a story hook that may be challenging for a logline reader to swallow and digest.?
Plot issues aside,? I suggest you consider polishing the logline in two respects: 1] The ideal word length for a logline is 25 words.? Your latest iteration is 39 words long.? ?2] The story hook should either lead off or be the? concluding “button” or punch phrase .? In this iteration, the story hook –face blindness — is buried n the middle.
>>> I like the idea that the face blindness causes/represents a deeper moral flaw, e.g. misanthropy or callousness.
Which is the chicken, which is the egg?? Does the face blindness cause his callousness — or does it enable it?
fwiw
Lots to think about here, thanks everyone for your comments.
A friend suggested we are mixing together two seperate stories here – one is mystery story where the detective has face-blindness, and the other is a drama about a face-blind crim healing from early life trauma.
So…
1) When his brother is held ransom over a stolen drug shipment, a recluse with face-blindness must track down the drugs and return them before his brother is killed.
2) A callous face-blind criminal is socially isolated and depends on his brother for everything, but when his brother is hospitalised during a bungled heist he is forced to forge new relationships and confront his traumatic past
My takeaway is that if you are going to have a protagonist with face blindness, leverage it to the max; the plot should pivot on that disability. But? I’m not sure how it does in your latest iteration.
>>>and confront his traumatic past
So having face-blindness isn’t of itself a big enough personal problem to wrestle with?? And? conversely, if he “confronts his traumatic past” — whatever that entails — it won’t cure his face-blindness.? He will still have to cope with the disability every day of his life.? IOW: I think the face-blindness is his central personal problem,? past trauma is a sidebar issue.
Whatever, for the purpose of a logline, the “traumatic past” is a subjective issue, hence extraneous, not necessary to mention in the logline.? Loglines are about protagonists striving toward an objective goals in the future, not dealing with subjective issues in the past.
fwiw