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staryuLogliner
Posted: May 1, 20162016-05-01T13:13:39+10:00 2016-05-01T13:13:39+10:00In: Horror

A superstitious woman believes she is being haunted by her psychopathic brother after having visions of his crimes but when her sister remarks that he was only carrying on the legacy of their father, she starts to investigate their mysterious family background.

A superstitious woman believes she is being haunted by her psychopathic brother after having visions of his crimes but when her sister remarks that he was only carrying on the legacy of their father, she starts to investigate their mysterious family background.
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    1. dpg Singularity
      2016-05-01T13:30:15+10:00Added an answer on May 1, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      >>she starts to investigate their mysterious family ?background.

      To what end? ?IOW: ?what is her objective goal in investigating the family skeleton closet?

      And what are the stakes? ?What does she stand to gain ? ?What does she stand to lose?

      The inciting incident — her sister’s remark — seems rather weak for an inciting incident. ?It’s a reveal and a reveal can be an inciting incident, but “legacy of their father” is rather vague. ?What’s the legacy? ?What’s the specific problem of the past haunting their present?

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    2. staryu Logliner
      2016-05-02T03:32:08+10:00Added an answer on May 2, 2016 at 3:32 am

      The visions are actually of her father’s crimes. ?He molested them and killed their mother. They were sent to live with their aunt and her son afterwards. She blocked the memories from her mind but developed a hatred of men, especially her brother (aunt’s son). When he dies, it triggers the memories. Her sister’s remark is meant to be sarcastic/snarky because she knows the truth.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2016-05-02T05:57:02+10:00Added an answer on May 2, 2016 at 5:57 am

      Okay, but that’s all backstory. ?What’s the story going forward? What’s the dramatic problem now? that the woman must confront and resolve? ?What is her objective goal for solving the problem? ?Who or what opposes her? ?And what are the stakes– what does she stand to lose or suffer– if she fails?

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