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Foss123Penpusher
Posted: June 28, 20172017-06-28T09:30:56+10:00 2017-06-28T09:30:56+10:00In: Action

A trio of drag queens orchestrate a prison break to rescue their transgender roommate after she is wrongly incarcerated in a men’s facility.

A trio of drag queens orchestrate a prison break to rescue their transgender roommate after she is wrongly incarcerated in a men’s facility.
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    8 Reviews

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    1. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-06-28T10:32:11+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 10:32 am

      The inciting incident of a logline should be in the beginning.

      Example:?When their transgender roommate is wrongly incarcerated in a men’s prison, three drag queens must orchestrate a plan to break her out.?(22 words)

      Otherwise I think the concept is a nice twist on a well-trod story.

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    2. dng123 Logliner
      2017-06-28T10:33:04+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 10:33 am

      It’s a pretty good logline, however trans and drag queens aren’t the same thing. Perhaps your script isn’t meant to be politically correct? But you put it in action. In this case I would imagine it to be more of a comedy.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2017-06-28T12:53:33+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 12:53 pm

      Other than as a comedy of errors, I am having a hard time understanding, hence, buying into the premise.

      How does a transgender woman (a person who was born a biological male and underwent the surgery and hormones to transition to female) end up in a male prison? ?Wouldn’t she do her time in a female prison (albeit maybe in a segregated unit for transgenders)?

      And how do 3 drag queens end up in a — well, what prison are they in, for men or for women?

      Isn’t it standard procedure for drag queens to do their time in male prisons (because biologically they are males) — but in cells and units where they are segregated from the straight prison population.

      So, if the drag queens are in a male prison, and the transgender is in a male prison — why aren’t they all in the same prison?

      Even if, the transgender did end up in a male prison, she would be segregated from the straight population because ?that’s standard procedure. ?So what’s the danger that she needs to be rescued from — above and beyond the usual risks gay, drag and transgender people face in prison?

      Again, other than as a comedy of errors, I don’t understand the backstory that created the mixup.

      fwiw

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    4. dpg Singularity
      2017-06-28T13:41:20+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 1:41 pm

      >> but on rare occasion get misgendered for any number of legal reasons (government ID and unchanged birth certificates, etc).

      Hmm. I can buy this as an initial mistake at the time of the transfer. But not as an error that isn’t promptly rectified when discovered. And it would be promptly discovered given the fact prisoners are routinely strip searched when they arrive and showers are communal. No amount of erroneous paperwork can cover that up indefinitely.

      Do you have documented instances where the mixup occurred and the mistake wasn’t “uncovered” for days… weeks… months?

      And again, if the transgender did end up in male prison — why not the same prison as the transvestites?

      P.S. I used to work in the Los Angeles City Jail system. ?In “Hollyweird”, as a matter of fact, one of the 2 epicenters of all thing gay and trans in terms of criminal conduct in Southern California. ?I routinely had to deal with the problem of establishing sexual identities and orientation and segregating the prisoners accordingly. ?Including proper processing of the paperwork to prevent — or correct — mistakes. ?

      So I know the drill. ?I know how the system works and how it sometimes fails. ?I know what I’m talking about.

      That is why I said I could buy into the premise as a comedy of errors, because in comedy you can play fast and loose with the rules, with reality. ?But if this is to be drama, then the story has to meet a higher standard of credibility — or at least have a good alibi.

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    5. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-06-28T21:20:51+10:00Added an answer on June 28, 2017 at 9:20 pm

      My understanding of the logline was that?the drag queens are not in prison at all. They are trying to, from the outside, break the transgender prisoner out.
      But I do have a question, you worked in L.A, a place that, as you said, is accepting of transgender people. But what if the story isn’t set there, and is set in place where it is not accepted? Thus, she is wrongly imprisoned and held because other people refuse to see her what she identifies as. That was my understanding, that she is imprisoned not on accident, but purposefully in the wrong place.

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    6. dpg Singularity
      2017-06-29T02:02:36+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2017 at 2:02 am

      >>>?the drag queens are not in prison at all.
      Doh! I stand corrected, I misread that part of the logline. For reasons stated, my mind focused on the credibility of the transgender being locked up long term in a male prison.

      >>>But what if the story isn?t set there, and is set in place where it is not accepted? Thus, she is wrongly imprisoned and held because other people refuse to see her what she identifies as.

      If the story is set in the present, regardless of where it is set (I’m assuming it’s set somewhere in the US), then the transgender person can cash in on a slam dunk multi-million dollar legal settlement for violation of her civil rights. ?There are plenty of lawyers who will be eager to cash in on a sure thing. ?(And she’ll probably get a ?reduced or suspended sentence — depending upon her crime, which we don’t know.)

      I might add (from personal experience again) that there is no upside for prison personnel to intentionally keep her in the wrong place. First of all, her presence means more work and stress for them because of the increased conflict her presence would create, the extra work it would take to maintain order with her mingling with an antagonistic population. As if there wasn’t already enough stress and aggravation in their jobs.

      And what are the 3 drag queens “rescuing” her from, if not the heightened jeopardy to her welfare and life from being in the wrong place among the wrong people?

      What’s ?the motivation for jailers to knowingly, intentionally keep custody of a problem prisoner when they don’t have to??

      Also, as either perpetrators or abettors of the mistake they know they would be exposing themselves to legal liability, civil as well as criminal. ?That’s part of their training. ?(The first lecture of the first day of my training in jail procedure began with the training officer writing on the chalkboard the 1st and most important rule of the job: “Cover your ass. ?Watch your back. ?Because nobody else will.”)

      Now if the author has bona fide evidence that a transgender was mistakenly transported to and intentionally kept at a male prison for the duration — well, truth is always stranger than fiction. ?And there is the precedent and the information for constructing a credible set up.

      Otherwise, I can only buy into the setup as a comedy of bureaucratic error and human folly — comedy has license to play loose and fancy with the facts in ways that straight drama does not.

      fwiw.

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    7. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-06-29T08:20:50+10:00Added an answer on June 29, 2017 at 8:20 am

      Is this a dark comedy? Will drag queens add a level of comedy I don’t know about? This meant to laugh at or with them as they get involved in this jailbreak?

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    8. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-07-01T11:41:24+10:00Added an answer on July 1, 2017 at 11:41 am

      I misread the concept, same as DPG, which may indicate a problem in the wording of the logline or a cognitive problem in the both of us…

      As for the concept, what is the reason for three protagonists? Why must they be drag queens? What are their flaws?

      The premise may not work in present day, as LGBT matters are in main stream discussion, such a mix up would simply lack credibility. If you were to relocate the concept to less accepting times such as the 70’s, I could see how a transgender woman could be in such a situation.

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