A war torn soldier riddled with guilt and PTSD must face his mind, and his mental image of himself only to fail when the guilt of him killing an innocent woman gets the better of him.
BLouisPenpusher
A war torn soldier riddled with guilt and PTSD must face his mind, and his mental image of himself only to fail when the guilt of him killing an innocent woman gets the better of him.
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First of all, “guilt..gets the better of him” ?suggests a negative outcome — he fails to overcome his problem. ?A logline should raise a dramatic question, but it should not state or hint at the final answer to that question.
Also, the protagonist of a plot should be more than a hapless victim (“only to fail”) of unfortunate circumstances (“war torn”) or psychological problems (“guilt and PSTD”). ?The logline should frame his struggle, proactively.
So, given his psychological turmoil and personal mistakes ?what is he doing about them? ?” What becomes his objective goal? ?What is his game plan for transcending his torment, redeeming himself from his past, here and now in the present? ?Even if he is doomed to fail, what is he at least trying to accomplish?
Finally, I suggest the”Training” option at the top of the web page for guidelines on how to build an effective logline.
What is the character’s objective goal? As a movie/tv show, we cannot see into his head to tell that is facing his mind. We need a goal we can see. “him killing an innocent woman gets the better of him.” This seems to be what the story is about. What does him killing this woman cause him to do? Does he want to evade the police? Does he want to find her family so he can apologize? What is his objective goal?
Then, what does he do to reach his goal?
Example: When a soldier suffering PTSD finds a letter on a woman he accidentally kills, he follows the letter’s instructions to return a pendant to its owner.
He has a clear goal in this example, to return the pendant. How? He follows the letter’s instructions.