Logliner
Posted: 2018-04-17T01:36:33+10:00 In:

To save her relationship, a woman must finally confront her Father who sexually abused her for years.

To save her relationship, a woman must finally confront her Father who sexually abused her for years.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      At 29 words, the logline is over the ideal maximum of 25 words, but the length would be acceptable if the logline clearly conveyed to a moviemaker exactly what the plot is.? Unfortunately, it does not.

      Stripped down to? its core the story seems to be:?”After a woman finds true love, she must confront her dark past.”? (12 words)

      The first element that needs to be modified is “true love”.? ? Loglines are about the pursuit of an objective goal.? Movies are a visual medium and every element of a logline should have a visual.? What’s the visual for “true love”?

      “True love” is not an object — it is an experience.? ?On the other hand, a man or woman is an object for the purposes of film — it’s an element that can be visualized.? So a logline?should describe the character who embodies, who is the source of her emotional experience,? the person who is the object of her affection.

      The second element that needs work is “dark past”.? ?That is vague: it? is devoid of the information? movie makers want to know before deciding to read a script.? The number of “dark pasts” is infinite.? Logline readers don’t want to guess, they want to know exactly what that dark past is.? And? they want to know what there is about it that makes it an obstacle to true love.

      And what’s the story hook?? What differentiates this story from all the others about people who need to overcome some ghost from their past in order to achieve an objective goal.

      fwiw

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    2. Uberwriter

      Like dpg said, there are endless loglines based on this premise

      To solve this

      1.
      Posting it under a particular genre shapes a premise into logline of particular nature.

      For instance
      If it were posted under Thriller —
      “When her ‘true love’ pursues inspite of knowing her dark past, a sceptic assassin must find out his real occupation”

      If it were posted under Romance
      I’d focus on the forces keeping them apart (since their goal is always-happily ever after)
      A sloppy format would be —
      “When she finds her soulmate intimidated by her past, an assassin must take out all antagonists before he agrees”

      2.
      Work out a way to relate —
      Her FINALLY finding the love of her life
      with
      The specifics of her dark past

      for instance,
      If she was the boss of a crime syndicate
      Personal Enquiry #1: What prevented her from finding true love?
      Suppose: Her infamy
      So she abstains from this business to finally find true love
      Now,
      Personal Enquiry #2: Why exactly is she having a hard time fully committing?
      Suppose: Her mafia family is on the brink of a territorial blood war and that keeps dragging her in. She cannot afford to overlook her role
      Personal Enquiry #3: What can she do about that?
      And so on…
      Write down your personal enquiry
      Once you have a rough spine, head for the logline:
      Another sloppy format could be —
      “A mafia boss finds true love in the middle of gang unrest and must [achieve this goal]”

      good luck lz

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    3. Singularity

      lz:

      With your revision, your story has hooked my interest.? It’s certainly a topical issue in the context of the #MeToo movement.? And it concerns the most pervasive dirty little secret of family life.

      However:

      “In order to save her relationship” tells us what the stakes are, but, alas, doesn’t constitute an inciting incident.? What triggers the situation that puts her relationship in jeopardy?

      Here’s a suggestion for your consideration:? What if the inciting incident is her forthcoming marriage? No sooner has she said “I will” to his marriage proposal than she starts having PTSD symptoms: nightmares, etc.? And whereas they had a lively sex life before then engagement, now she goes frigid, has panic attacks whenever he makes a seductive overture.

      Why?? Because of the prospect of being given away by her father on her wedding day.? The fact that he gladly agrees to footing the bill for the wedding — no expense to be spared, only the best for his daughter — is no source of consolation or reconciliation.

      Inserting a wedding? date into the plot also embeds a ticking clock? that heightens dramatic tension and urgency:? she MUST resolve her past before she can go through with the wedding and she has only so much time to do it.

      Best wishes with your writing.

      fwiw

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