A young girl, still grieving the loss of her mother, learns that her robot design has been chosen to compete at the Asia Pacific Robotics Competition, as the first all girls team; but when her grandmother is diagnosed with a life threatening brain tumour, she must choose between the responsibility to her family and her dream of winning.
GStarLogliner
A young girl, still grieving the loss of her mother, learns that her robot design has been chosen to compete at the Asia Pacific Robotics Competition, as the first all girls team; but when her grandmother is diagnosed with a life threatening brain tumour, she must choose between the responsibility to her family and her dream of winning.
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GStar,
I would lose the whole beginning of this log which will help to compact things.
You don’t want to mention “chosen” because it is passive and not active.
A young genius competes in a robotics meet…
But her mentor’s past threatens to ruin her chances of winning…
She must prove his innocence…
Or have zero chances of winning…
Here are your core elements from above. It would be nice to mention the mother, but probably not enough room to.
A logline should describe ?one — and only one — objective goal. This one describes two. ?Which one matters most? ?What is the story really about?
(And, imho, designing a replacement for a dead mom is an immature objective goal. ?Which a protagonist can have — if her character arc is to grow ?to an acceptance of the death and loss, to growing in maturity to becoming a mother herself.)
Agreed with the above.
There are essentially two plots competing for the one logline. One about the young girl growing up via a robotics competition the other about her investigating the teacher’s criminal records to prove him innocent – which story interests you more?