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AlvarPenpusher
A young graduate, struggling to have a career as a photo-journalist but stuck without job prospects receives a call from a mysterious hacker organisation that wants to recruit him as their man in the field. He works for them while he tries to figure out what their ultimate goal is and confronts his opposing family.
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I think the logline is a bit flustered and uses more words than needed that can be broke down shorter!! ?When A struggling graduate wanting to be a photo journalist receives a call from a mysterious hacker, he must do what-— is a better way going about it in my opinion then come up with a stake that prevent him from achieving his end goal..
Wanting to be a photojournalist is an ambition, not a goal.
What is his primary goal? It may change throughout the story, but what does he set off to achieve in the first instance and why? It needs to be something visible and tangible.
Also, the family may be a complication that you introduce in the script, which could be interesting. However, it seems unrelated to the ‘A’ plot, and therefore, redundant in the logline.
Lastly, as Keymiser wrote, it’s too long. Try to rewrite it with a focus on the absolute essential story elements – inciting event, main action, and goal.
agreed, needs to be way less wordy.