Logliner
Posted: 2016-05-25T14:14:27+10:00 In:

A young man with a dark past is trying everything to stay sane until she sends him into a deep darkness that hurts anyone that gets in his way.

A young man with a dark past is trying everything to stay sane until she sends him into a deep darkness that hurts anyone that gets in his way.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Who is she? And what does she do?

      It reads as if what this ‘she’ did to him is his inciting incident, best to start on that and?describe the event in detail.

      The concept currently lacks a dramatic drive, what is the young man’s goal?

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    2. Singularity

      The purpose of a logline is to sketch out a plot. ? Alas, “stay sane” is vague and insufficient for describing a plot. ? It needs to be fleshed out with a specific course of action.

      In real life, when people are under great psychological stress, therapists and counselors suggest specific routines, coping measures, diversionary and displacement activities to handle the stress, so people do not resort to their darkest impulses and do violence to others or themselves.

      Likewise, in this reel life, the protagonist needs a game plan leading toward an objective goal and away from his urge to do violence to others or himself. ?What is that game plan, that objective goal?

      (Of course, whether he succeeds is another matter. ?After all, it’s a thriller.)

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