Yesternight
jamesmichaelPenpusher
"After a young Debutante witnesses a murder she becomes unlikely allies with a criminal Teddy Girl as they battle London?s most ruthless crime boss."
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Adrian: “I’m wondering why witnessing the murder would compel Debutante to take on the crime boss. Unless there is some personal connection to murder victim. Something about the inciting incident and the motivation behind her desire to do battle with the crime boss would be helpful.”
Steven: This concept could work, but is poorly sold by this logline. Importantly, the Debutante must be denied the chance to hide behind her upper class privileges to protect herself. For example: ?A sweet, young, Debutante is framed for a murder by London’s most ruthless crime boss. Only by joining forces with a dirty, scrawny, street girl, can she clear her name.?
Jack: “This is good. It succinctly summarises the story, introduces two unlikely allies and by telling us they are up against London?s most ruthless crime boss we know the stakes are high.”