After being inspired by his late mother?s photographic work, a caring young man wants to leave the family farm he has grown up in to fully pursue his photos being shown in a gallery, but his narcissistic and manipulative grandfather tries victimize himself and guilt his grandson into staying in order to keep the farming legacy.
davidnoblesLogliner
After being inspired by his late mother?s photographic work, a caring young man wants to leave the family farm he has grown up in to fully pursue his photos being shown in a gallery, but his narcissistic and manipulative grandfather tries victimize himself and guilt his grandson into staying in order to keep the farming legacy.
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The dilemma presented in this logline seams to lack stakes. If his grandfather is “…narcissistic and manipulative…” then he is a bad person, why would the main character (and audience to that matter) care about the implications to the grandfather? The MC should just do what he wants and disregard the grandfather.
Secondly the logline is too long and the inciting incident seams week.
Inspiration can aid a main character along their way, but for it to be the sole motivator for the journey seems contrived and un believable.
Lastly the combination of photographic work as a goal and farming as an obstacle feel unrelated.
Either change the obstacle or the goal, the chain of events doesn’t make sense as a story.
The problem with the dilemma is that it’s not really a dilemma.?? The logline?casts? the grandpa?as an unambiguous villain-bad guy-son-of-a-bitch.? It’s a no-brainer that?young man?has to assert his independence, follow his dream.
My other problem with all versions of this logline is that while the setting is rural, the logline seems to be rather indifferent and unrelated to the?rural values, traditions?and sensibilities?deeply embedded in rural families?that would clash with ?individual aspirations.?
The story ?could just as well??take place in the big city; the grandfather wants the young man to take over?the family-owned company.?
What’s the point of placing the story on?a farm if it doesn’t explore the unique rural attributes of that setting that could and should inform the dramatic conflict?
fwiw