Samurai
Posted: 2017-04-25T01:53:56+10:00 In:

After falling in love with his dream woman actress during a film collaboration, an agoraphobic writer struggles to attend a series of PR dates hoping to win her heart.

After falling in love with his dream woman actress during a film collaboration, an agoraphobic writer struggles to attend a series of PR dates hoping to win her heart.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      Craig helped me on this version two months ago. I thought long about the concept and I think this version is the one I always strived for.
      Thanks for your reviews in advance, folks!

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    2. Singularity

      >>>attend a series of PR dates

      Strikes me as weak. ?So he attends — and she doesn’t notice him. ?End of story.

      Or he attends — and she notices him. ?But that makes her the proactive agent because his Big Dream of a relationship is utterly dependent on her noticing him. After all, she’s in the power-up position.

      He’s got to do more than just show up, he’s got to do something that grabs her attention and holds it long enough for a relationship to develop.

      He needs a a hook and the logline needs a hook. ?The writer must do something that grabs her attention, makes her want to engage with him. Something that likewise grabs the attention of a logline reader, makes her?want to read the script.

      fwiw

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    3. Singularity

      A boy meets girl story needs a good obstacle standing in the way of the lovers being together, his agoraphobia is a good first step and DPG’s suggestion to add a rival is a good addition, but alas, I fear tis not enough.

      There have been many ‘boy meets girl’ stories over the years, since the basic concept is the same in all of them, what makes each one unique is the forces that keep the boy and girl apart. In this case, that would be his condition – an inner problem subjectively experienced by the character in a way that’s hidden from camera. For that to work, in my opinion, the circumstances testing his condition need to be pushed to the max, i.e she would need to be a porn-star or something to that effect. However, even then the mechanism of getting over the obstacle is an inner process for the MC and not very cinematic.

      They would need more standing in their way. I can’t think of anything good right now but will try to come up with an example for a good obstacle to post, it won’t be your story but will demonstrate what I mean.

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