After he loses all his money in the stock market and Las Vegas, a successful financial advisor has an opportunity to get out of debt—if he facilitates the takeover and dismantling of a friend’s family business.
byron79Logliner
After he loses all his money in the stock market and Las Vegas, a successful financial advisor has an opportunity to get out of debt—if he facilitates the takeover and dismantling of a friend’s family business.
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Leaning towards:
“A bankrupt financial advisor [gambler] must choose between [dilemma 1] and [dilemma 2]”
Make this yours, keep going!
BTW: I wouldn’t call a financial advisor who went belly-up “successful.”
Thank you. On your advisement:
When his high-risk personal investments are wiped out, a smooth-talking financial advisor must choose between bankruptcy or making a sizable fee promoting the takeover and dismantling of a friend’s family business.
Dilemma 2 requires the same gravity/answer for Dilemma 1 “bankruptcy”. This has to be his biggest score; thus “a sizable fee” won’t cut it. Also, bring this closer to the home concerning whom he screws over. In its current form, it sounds like a friend of a friend situation which lessens the impact. Add connecting tissue between what he’s good at and his friend’s “business.”
Your major event “When his high-risk…” is good, also consider “risky schemes” as an alternative.
Example:
“A destitute financial advisor must choose between bankruptcy and fleecing his best friend’s firm”
Industry examples:
“A spoiled rich twentysomething must decide between true love and the vast fortune he’ll inherit if he marries a society woman whom he doesn’t love.”
“After ten years on the run from the mob, the son of a mob lawyer must choose between prison and helping the man who killed his mother.”
“A paraplegic marine dispatched to the moon Pandora on a unique mission becomes torn between following his orders and protecting the world he feels is his home.”
BTW: I don’t normally add “his, hers” pronouns in the major event as we the reader are left in the shadows concerning whom you’re talking about – until the action/goal. I always try to challenge myself to construct the logline in a way to bypass.
Take care.
Thanks again.
“a successful / smooth-talking financial advisor” = protagonist
“loses all his money (personal investments) in stock market/gambling” = inciting incident
“must takeover and dismantle a friend’s family business” = main character goal
Great logline! Feels like the basis for a gripping tragedy. Implied character arc seems to be from bad to worse, as fleeting success, leads to losing it all, which leads to dishonoring a good friend (and their family). This guy sounds super villainous, and might benefit from just a garnish of positive character traits. Story’s power lay in guiding audience toward empathizing with a main character. This can be achieved in one of two ways: virtuous character traits, or virtuous actions. Hope I don’t sound unkind when pointing out this this guy is, well, a bit of a loser … BUT, what if there was one likeable thing about him? For example, riffing here, what if he was a family guy, loved his family a lot. Then, when confronted with the dilemma of hurting another family, WOW! Won’t this character feel twisted inside! We (the audience) will be on seat’s edge, waiting to see what will this family guy – who isn’t that good with money – do, when in a situation of financial redemption that will hurt his best friend’s family?
P.S. as far as financial advisors go, in the real world, plenty go belly-up, and are still “successful.” But only when they trade ‘other’ people’s money – not their own 🙂
Thanks for the extensive review.