Penpusher
Posted: 2016-11-15T00:09:31+10:00 In:

After she covers up a murder, an ambitious cop must escape the clutches of the disturbed young man that blackmails her.

After she covers up a murder, an ambitious cop must escape the clutches of the disturbed young man that blackmails her.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      So she kills him and covers up that murder, too. ?End of her problem, end of story.

      So how does he blackmail her in ?a way that she dare not/ cannot kill him? ?IOW: ?what does “escape the clutches” mean in terms of?the specific dramatic action she takes?

      And what do you conceive to be the bonding agent in this story? ?That is, what is there that will ?make ?an audience want to invest $12-$15 and 2 hours of their time in someone who is obviously an anti-hero? ?Why will viewers want to watch what she does in spite of her villainy?

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    2. Mentor

      I don’t think she is a killer though, she helped cover one up so I don’t think she could just kill this person.

      Yep the goal is vague as what you currently mention probably will happen when she completes her arc and is willing to tell the truth no matter the consequences. This arc is the inner journey, so I feel that is what you are partially describing. I don’t see the finish line in my head if you know what I mean. Take Jurassic Park escape the Island I know when that happens and this know when the story is over, escape the clutches, well unless she is physically kidnapped I can picture that a billion ways which doesn’t tell me how the story ends.

      I personally don’t have an issue with the character it’all take some work to get an audience to bond, but I can picture a scene where the murder happens and she doesn’t want to cover it up, but has a young family wants a career so it’s this moment she loses faith in hard work paying off and thus her ambition is somewhat corrupted by her past experience and guilt. You could highlight this with a metaphor, maybe she took something the night of the murder so she’s literally been carrying this secret with her all her life she’s born from it and taking it off is the rebirth.

      Anyways hope that helps

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    3. Singularity

      Even if she didn’t commit the murder, her covering it up is just as bad – empathy will be a problem.

      I think the story really starts when the man blackmails her – it reads like the inciting incident. If you want to keep her an anti-hero (you’re a braver writer than I…), find a away to give her a noble motivation for doing the cover up, and then change the order around so it reads as if the blackmail is the inciting incident. Obviously give her a clear goal, now that she is being blackmailed what MUST she do in order to rectify the situation?

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