Penpusher
Posted: 2016-06-23T09:26:02+10:00 In:

After the death if his daughter and best friend a SWAT sniper engages in a battle of wits and patience against a mob boss who is also his former teacher

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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Please clarify: “former teacher” ?as in street-legal school teacher or his teacher-mentor in the ways of the criminal syndicate?

      And if the latter, ?that presents a credibility issue: SWAT team members have to pass a background check to be selected. ?How did he sneak by under the radar?

      Further, I believe it would make for a stronger character arc if he’s a ramrod-straight, by-the-rule-book cop until the murderers force him to throw the book away, get justice in the street because he can’t get it in the courts.? IOW: He does a 180 degree flip.

      As currently written, the implied (and, imho, weaker) character arc is that he’s goes in a full circle, returns to his origins, reverts, regresses to his original state.

      I suggest that character arcs of 180 degree flips are usually more compelling than 360 circles.

      fwiw

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with DPG, his change would be greater if he learns to bend when need be.

      Also best to specify a singe event that motivates him, I’de say the death of his daughter is a better choice than his mate – it’s a?primal urge to protect ones young and failure hits at their core.

      Secondly his goal needs clarification what exactly is he hoping to achieve in this “?battle of wits?”? Is the mob guy the killer and he wants to kill him? Or does the mob guy know where the killer is but refuses to tell the MC? What ever it is it needs to be specified.

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