Logline above
This is a series that I am working on. It is a dramatic crime thriller, in the same vein as Nikita and The Fall.
Discription of series.
My main character isn’t who she claims to be. She is an ex marine who settled down as an art teacher. She witnesses the murder of her student, and that brings her front and center in the investigation. The ‘routine’ investigation uncovers a lot of details, which leads to the terror plot by L.A.N, a rogue division, and uncovers her former comrade’s involvement with terrorist group.
At first, my character just wants to go back to being an art teacher and forget her past in the marines. After seeing her student murdered, she wanted to find the killer and now her main goal is to stop the terror plot and in the end, confront her former comrade of his betrayal.
What do you all think of the logline and small summary of the series?
This sounds like a very contemporary idea; I like it 🙂
Consider ?including that the ‘teacher’ is a former marine in the logline.?? Also, could you be more specific about the terror plot?
This sounds good, with the hook being the agency.
What I like,
Can be a contained thriller. Cheap to make. The teacher is a vulnerable player in this and female. She is drawn into the story via the inciting incident of the student.
What I don’t like,
As Mandy mentioned, the terror plot is vague and comes off as just another generic terror organization. The teacher/student has been done before (no biggie, just make sure it has unique elements.) There is no mention of an antagonist role/drive. Why does this agency need a teacher to help them?
Don’t assume these days that saying “terror” alone is good enough. Have a new wrinkle with it.
After witnessing the murder of her student, a teacher must work with a clandestine agency to stop an underground terror division from…
I suggest that her defining characteristic is not her present job but her previous job — as a Marine. ?That’s what gives her the knowledge and experience to rise to the challenge. ?That’s how the logline ?make sense. ?Why would they force a mere teacher into the “off-grid agency” ?Answer: her military experience. So that needs to be in the logline. ?Her present role as a teacher may be necessary to kick start the series, but it seems extraneous for the purpose of a ?logline.
fwiw
Focus on her merit, not socio-political agenda.
Marine gone art teacher sounds interesting to me, however, Marine can mean several things – was she an infantry trooper on the front line? An office clerk on a base? What was her specific expertise?
As an Ex military myself, I find it surprising how broad a scope the term ‘soldier’ covers for most people.
Use her expertise as a key into her being recruited to work for this off-grid agency. Lastly, best to give her a long-term goal for the series as a whole, which means what is it she wants to achieve by the end of season one.
For example:
After witnessing a student’s murder, a marine sniper gone art teacher must join an off grid agency to prevent a terror cell from targeting students around the country.