Logliner
Posted: 2018-04-24T14:41:06+10:00 In:

?An advanced alien race threatens to enslave Earth in the 1500?s and humanity?s last hope lies in the unproven inventions of an Italian Renaissance artist who holds a dark secret.?

?An advanced alien race threatens to enslave Earth in the 1500?s and humanity?s last hope lies in the unproven inventions of an Italian Renaissance artist who holds a dark secret.?
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    7 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      It’s not clear whether he’s alive or his inventions are being used posthumously. da vinci died in 1519, reading you logline I said to myself “it would be fun to see this guy in some sci-fi action…”

      My first question is, who is your protagonist? Is it the artist himself or someone he inspired?

      Also,
      What are the dark secrets? How does it create the implied conflict?

      Lastly,
      What becomes his GOAL as a result of this alien invasion?

      good luck dho1115

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    2. Logliner

      I like the story concept. Perhaps good to redraft the logline from the protagonist’s POV to make it clear who the protag is. Also useful to give an indication of what the protag’s flaw/weakness is that creates the drama/conflict to living up to the responsibility to save humanity provoked by the inciting incident. Good luck with it.

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    3. Singularity

      Agree with variable.? If it’s da Vinci, say so; it’s an important selling point.? And his objective goal needs to be stated explicitly, not implied.? What can Leonardo do, what must he do to stop the invasion?

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    4. Logliner

      For what it’s worth, Da Vinci’s name is in the title of the script. Although I went back and forth a few times, the working title for now is “Da Vinci and his Weapons of War”.

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    5. Logliner

      As a side note, more than one people whom I showed this logline to said this storyline reminds them a lot like the movie “Cowboys and Aliens”. Not sure if that’s good or bad.

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    6. Singularity

      >>>reminds them a lot like the movie ?Cowboys and Aliens?. Not sure if that?s good or bad.

      That depends. The story hook for “Cowboys and Aliens” is that an alien invasion is set in the past instead of the present. So it’s bad in that setting your story in the past is not exactly a new twist on the alien invasion trope.

      However, it’s good in that the protagonist is the Renaissance genius, Leonard da Vinci, a polymath.? So the success of the story hinges on how well you develop the character, how ingenious his solutions are.

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    7. Penpusher

      Everyone here is spot on. Put Davinci in your logline and I have already purchased my ticket…

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