Logliner
Posted: 2018-09-23T08:08:34+10:00 In:

An emotional wreck of a country singer must bring his daughter whom he has never met with him on tour, when her mother goes into rehab for a few weeks.

An emotional wreck of a country singer must bring his daughter whom he has never met with him on tour, when her mother goes into rehab for a few weeks.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      Inciting incident first then the action and goal – a logline should be structured according to the order of events in the story, so…

      After her mother goes into rehab, a girl must join her emotionally damaged country singer father on tour.

      This doesn’t have enough for a story in it.? The lack of conflict and vague plot points described in the logline raise too many questions for the concept to work at this stage:
      Why must she join him?
      Can’t she stay with any other family or friends for a while?
      Who is the main character in the story? Daughter or father?
      What’s at stake?
      What must he or she achieve by the end of the film?
      What’s stopping him or he from achieving it?

      You seem to be particularly interested in a country singer father and an estranged daughter as the subject matter for a story. Check out Tender Mercies as a good example of a film that dealt with the EXACT same characters and did it well. Not sure that can be topped…

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    2. Samurai

      Commenting on this version:

      After her mother goes into rehab, a girl is all alone and must join her emotionally damaged and estranged country singing father on tour or she?ll be placed in foster care.

      How do you envision the movie’s Act II? Let’s say that she joins her father’s tour. She is being dragged around the US, attending all his live performances, tolerating his “emotionally damaged and estranged” behaviour. What is she struggling with? Is there a visible goal for her in the story? When does the movie end? Is there a deadline for being cleared of foster care? Is her 18th birthday approaching?

      Also: “girl” means a lot of things and a lot of ages. It is very general. Can you give us a hint of her psychological profile?

      Here is my version, with random psychological elements (which may be totally irrelevant to your story, but you get the point):

      After her mother enters rehab, an introverted teenager must join her egocentric father’s singing tour to avoid being placed in foster care.

      (I don’t think the style of music matters.)

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    3. Singularity

      I can envision a story with , in effect (dare I say it? ), dual protagonists with a dual plot line.

      The singer needs to man up and take responsibility for the kid he sired — but then abandoned. (To pursue his musical career as well as a lifestyle of one night stands, no permanent commitments.) The teenager needs grow up and take responsibility for her actions instead of using her lousy parents as an? excuse for her immature behavior (like doing drugs).

      IOW:? a relationship story where each character needs to come to “terms of endearment” with the other in order to grow beyond their character flaws.

      But I don’t (yet) see that in the various iterations of the premise.

      fwiw

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