An ex-smuggler seeks a quiet life, until past criminal associates find him and terrorize his new family, demanding a bigger cut from their last job.
PaulJLogliner
An ex-smuggler seeks a quiet life, until past criminal associates find him and terrorize his new family, demanding a bigger cut from their last job.
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And then what?
The logline sets up the inciting incident for a plot but it needs to follow through and succinctly lay out the plot that includes the action that follows as a result.? Specifically, what becomes the ex-smuggler’s objective goal? As the protagonist what MUST the ex-smuggler?proactively do as a result of the inciting incident?
Yep, as it read currently I am left thinking ?Just give them the bigger cut? after all it is to save his family.
Granted, I will assume it is spent or he got caught so doesn?t actually have it, so must do another job to get it back, but the current version doesn?t state that.
My take: My his ex-partners kidnap his family, a retired smuggler has 48 hours to smuggle – enter item here – out of the country to get them back.
Depending on theme, what complications you want change the item. EG. Are they smuggling items (So think more Indiana Jones) or tech/software (So they are nore the hacker type.
Agreed with DPG and Knightrider.
If he loves his family he should just hand over the money – problem solved.
They should demand he does one last job, a bit cliche but the premise works better this way.
A retired smuggler must fight back against his former gang to protect his family when the gang comes for money they think they are owed.