Tiger
LoemoembaLogliner
Being held responsible for the death of the tiger she took care of, a scared single mother has one chance to save her job as a zookeeper: to tame an untamable tiger.
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Responsible for an ill-fated tiger, a _____ zookeeper has (days/months) to tame a replacement stray or else lose her job and reputation.
I fail to see how scared single mom impacts your story enough to logline mention it.
Otherwise, interesting premise.
Hi Leomoemba,
It seems as if all the comments that were given to your previous version still apply. Check out the comments the members have already given you.
In short, the inciting incident needs to be specified – the tiger’s death. Also, the stakes need to be higher than just keep the job. Ask your self, what’s the worst that would happen should she get fired? She’ll find another job – that’s not so bad. For this particular dramatic need to have an effect on the audience, you’ll need to evoke some very high stakes or else you have no ‘hook’ for a decision maker.
Good point, Nir. I think Leo should focus on the MC’s reputation rather than job. Usually, an urgency is added, such as a festival or something that’s coming up for which the animal was needed for and which the replacement needs to trained and ready for. That’s the tension or excitement that once overcome, makes the hero victorious in the end.
Thanks guys.
Actually she is a single mother with a five year old daughter. She’s unable to speak to people but she’s great at communicating with animals. That, and the fact that she has no money, would make it a disaster if she loses her job. But how on earth can i write all this, and an inciting incident, and… in one sentence???
It’s important not to box your MC into a person who can’t communicate on screen to the audience, and you can always have another character interact on the special person’s behalf. They learn that they need one another.
In other words, I want to see a character get challenged and then watch them react so that I can think about what I would do if those things happen to me. Character relation. I’m not really interested in a person already introverted unless there is a good reason for it.
“But how on earth can i write all this, and an inciting incident, and? in one sentence???” Well, that’s the trick ain’t it? It could be that there’s just no way to include everything you want. Explore the logline from as many angles as possible and ask others which they prefer.
Responsible for the tragic death of a tiger, a recluse zookeeper has (days/months) to tame a replacement or else her boss threatens to ruin her career.
??That, and the fact that she has no money, would make it a disaster if she loses her job??
I disagree ? You lose a job so you tighten the ol? buckle spend less and get another.
Your response indicates that you are entirely set on this as your story, yet the rhetoric in most of the comments you?ve received is that the premise is flawed and would benefit from change. Study all the comments you?ve already gotten and consider making some fundamental changes to the concept.