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TjmohrLogliner
disguising as a viking, a good hearted monk survives a pillage. Taken back to the viking village, he struggles to teach them moral principles before they attack his hometown again.
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I feel as if this could be described better and that you could use less sentences.
What is the inciting incident? What prompts the monk to disguise himself in the first place? Based on “before they attack his hometown again” it’s something like “When his sleepy village is raided by vikings for the 14th time, …”
I think there’s something to this idea. It’s a comedy, so the humour is easy to find within the absurdity.
Teaching them moral principles… whilst this is a logical goal, I can’t help but think that, visually, it’s not that interesting. If you changed this to something like “morals, manners, and social etiquette” it instantly comes to life in my head. A monk trying to to teach manners to a group of vikings – Act II.I will have a lot of visual comedy!
I’m hoping the end is something like the monk admits who he is, the vikings kick him out, his village is then raided by another group of vikings, and the educated vikings come to help the monk and his people. Some sort of nice “unlikely friendship” message.
Whilst not important for the logline, is there a B-story romance? bromance?
What’s the monk’s arc? I wonder if changing “good-hearted” to his flaw might make him feel less “perfect”. In most stories like this, the person who attempts to change someone learns something in return. Pygmalion (or My Fair Lady for the onscreen version) is a good example of this.
My only other comment is it seems like the monk is involuntarily taken back to the viking village. Is that the case? I think he would be a stronger protagonist if he voluntarily put himself in the lion’s den for the good of his village.
When his sleepy village is raided by vikings again, a modest monk travels to their village disguised as a viking to teach them morals, manners, and etiquette so they cease the pillaging of his beloved home.