During a harsh winter, a frontiersman with a violent past must protect the family he?s taking refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.
thedarkhorseSamurai
During a harsh winter, a frontiersman with a violent past must protect the family he?s taking refuge with from an unscrupulous company that wants their land.
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Think ?Unforgiven?, ?First Blood?, ?Pale Rider?.?
Thanks for the Kurosawa comment from earlier. Only made a few tweaks from the previous one.
It?s set during the ?Great Die-Up of 1886? – was tempted to put that in the logline. Hmm – I was also tempted make the “unscrupulous company” – more human? It is headed by an evil, powerful tycoon?
It seems to me that the battle against the forces of winter in the “Great Die-Up” is a more interesting story.? ?And authentic.? ?Winter time in the northern plains in 1886-1187 was the worst time for anyone to be out and about for any reason other than to try to save their livestock.? It was too damn cold and the snow was too damn deep.? The Bad Guys would wait until the spring thaw to do their mischief.
Agree about the winter (and that history is new to me). The rest sounds plain or derivative.
Yes, make the antag a person and state his actions (if the story remains as is).
Hey guys. Thanks for the feedback…
Well, I?ve already written it so I?m not changing anything too much. I?m not sure about including Great Die-Up. I dunno how well known it is nowadays but I agree ?harsh winter? can be quite generic and meh. (Worse case scenario, they can google it).
It?s set over Christmas 1886. I did my research into the blizzard and it would stop for hours at a time. My antagonist is a real driven, masochistic, macho guy who pushes his posse is ?keep on pushing? – it’s not impossible for them to be running around outside during a blizzard but certainly crazy which sums him up.
It?s mad I?ve done so many loglines – I?m genuinely unsure which one is the best. I?ve probably had requests as well as criticisms from each of them. It?s mad ha.
Okay? how about…
A frontiersman with a violent past must protect the family he?s taking refuge with from a corrupt U.S. Marshall and his posse, who under orders from an unscrupulous company, wants their land; all set against the backdrop of the Great Die-Up 1886.
(Admittedly – this does sound like one of my earlier ones which makes me wonder if I’m going backwards ha).
the darkhorse:
A story set in the Great Die-Up intrigues me . Because I was born and came of age in the American West.? And because I have read? biographies of Theodore Roosevelt who was ranching at that time in the Dakota territories.? The Great Die-Up decimated his herd, wiped out his investment.
I believe there is an interesting movie to be made about the Great Die-Up.
But it was not even mentioned in the original version of your logline and it’s tacked on to your latest version.? Yet, imho,? it’s the element that could make your script stand out from the herd.? In the Western genre, there’s nothing original about a loner protagonist , nor about one who rescues a family (or community) , nor about the villain he must confront, a corrupt marshal or sheriff.? Those have been boilerplate plot elements for any number of Western movies.
The one unique element is the historical setting, the Great Die-Up.? IMHO, it should be the lead for the logline, not buried at the end.
I grant you that it’s a? tough element to? write up for a? logline, let alone feature it in a script, because 99.5% of the people in the movie industry have never heard of the term, have no knowledge of the event.? ?But there it is.
My 2.5 cents worth.
Admittedly – a lot of that stuff was my homage to Westerns. A bit like how Tarantino recycles his favourite films. But yeah – as I?m trying to sell this thing your advice is noted.
Hmm. ?I think worst case scenario a producer/manager/agent can google it. ?The Great Die-Up? provokes a response. It’s intriguing. Okay. I?ll post again in a few days.
thedarkhorse:
When you’ve cleared the moat , crashed the gate to be become an Hollyweird insider like Tarantino, you can do homages . But until then — not!
As you said, homages are a form of recycling. of imitation.? I suggest that? producers and directors? aren’t looking for recycling or imitation in spec scripts from unestablished writers. The primary reason they are even looking at spec scripts from unknowns? is that that they want to discover something new, a fresh take, an angle nobody has ever thought of before.